Week 16 Picks

Christmas comes early for the readers in the form of mailbag. As always, these are occasionally real questions with real answers. The Picks follow the Q and A session.

Q: Who would you rather punch in the face: Philip Rivers or Tony Romo?
-- D. Ross, Arlington, VA

Excellent question. As a Redskins fan, I'm required to say Romo, but if you held a gun to my head, I would say Rivers. Not only does he look and act like Greg Marmalard from Animal House, he just seems like a complete douchebag. I think a simple way to answer this would be: who would you rather hang out with? No question it's Romo, if only for the possibility of a Jessica Simpson appearance.

Q: I sent you a link to an item speculating about Mike
Holmgren coming to DC next season but you ignored it. So, do you think the Skins should give up on Zorn and go after Holmgren? Would Zorn accept a demotion and stay as offensive coordinator? Or would Holmgren make more sense as a team president type? Or should the Skins just take a deep breath and give Zorn more time.
-- Guy who destroyed you in Fantasy Football, Chevy Chase, MD

I've grown accustomed to Chainsaw Dan's hasty coaching changes, but I believe Zorn deserves to come back next season. Snyder ousted Marty Schottenheimer after an 8-8 season a few years ago, but he seems to have calmed down. Zorn hit a rough patch these last few games, but most of those loses were to quality teams (Pittsburgh, Dallas, Philly etc). Holmgren has been a head coach since 1992 and is on record saying he wanted to take at least a year to spend time with his wife. Even if Snyder threw a ton of cash towards the Walrus, his heart wouldn't be in the job. Additionally, Campbell would be learning another system, further hindering his progress. So Zorn stays.

Q: Two part question:

1. Who will be the Redskins head coach next year?

2. If fired, will Jim Zorn reunite with Steve Largent to remake Starksy and Hutch with a Christian twist?
-- C. Tom, New York, NY

1. Jim Zorn.

2. Without a doubt. Look at that picture.

Q: If an aspiring young high-school athlete wishes to play in the NFL, what are the chances of being selected to play in college and then in the NFL? What percentage of high school footballers play college football? What percentage of college football players play in the NFL?
-- H. Livengood, Washington, DC

1 in a 100? More like 1 in a million.

Q: Do you think Tom Brady's knee injury will effect his stunning good looks?
-- K. Carroll, New York, NY

Not unless the doctor took a scalpel to Brady's face and makes him look like Tom Cruise during the second half of Vanilla Sky.

Q: What is inside the football? Air?
-- M. Livengood, Baltimore, MD

Unless these quarterbacks are really strong and have been slinging 30 lb. leather rocks this entire time, I think it's air.

Give me a call some time. I have some interesting investments you should take a look at.
--B. Madoff, New York, NY

That's not really a question, but I think I won't be answering him any time soon.

Q: Two parter:

1. When and where will I get signed to be a kicker/TE?

2. Who has more STDs: TO orrrrrrrrrr Jeremy Shockey?
-- T. Senecal, Jacksonville, FL

1. I would hang up you dreams of becoming a TE. I don't think you can compete with Visanthe Shiancoe, either on the field or in the locker room. As for becoming a kicker, you couldn't be much worse than Shaun Suisham, so I would give it a shot. Maybe you should take a bat to Josh Scobee's right knee to get the Jax gig.

2. Shockey, and it's not even close.

Q: What excuse did Deion Sanders give for not paying his car mechanics bills?
-- H. Smith, Arlington, VA

Nobody messes with the Jesus.

Q: What are you wearing right now?
-- S. Duvall, Arlington, VA

Black denim jeans, red mock turtleneck, beige sport coat with elbow patches. And a monocle.

Q: How much is the Illinois senate seat worth to you?
-- R. Blagojevich, Springfield, IL

Whatever it cost to cut your hair. That's what I'm willing to spend.

Can I have a hug?
-- J. Zorn, Landover, MD

As Michael Scott would say, let's hug it out bitch.

Cyber?
-- R. Weller, New York, NY

Get you mind out of the gutter.

On to the picks...

Week 16 Picks

COWBOYS -4
Steelers -2
CHIEFS +3.5
PATS -7.5
Bengals +3
RAMS +5.5
GIANTS -3
LIONS +7
Eagles +5
VIKINGS -3
SEAHAWKS +4
Texans -7
BILLS +6.5
Chargers +3.5
BEARS -4