Molly Shannon Works It

Saturday Night Live - Sally O'Malley


I think I know where I'll be spending my New Years Eve.

San Diego Chargers Owner Diagnosed With Dementia

Sometimes jokes fall into your lap that a classier website wouldn't dare post because they are either to easy to poke fun at or the site maintains a certain level of dignity. Luckily for you readers, blogengood isn't one of those sites.

In recent news, San Diego Chargers owner, Alex Spanos, was diagnosed with dementia, a progressive decline in cognitive brain function. Not to poke fun at people with dementia, but clearly this must be why the bumbling Norv Turner is still coaching the Chargers. Zing!

Danish Dynamo's Very Own Talk Show

The NFL's most prolific kicker, Morten Andersen, once had his very own talk show. In this episode, Morten interviews Saints and Falcons cheerleaders. I'll let that sink in for a while. Good. Andersen's wardrobe and haircut are classic '94

Terror on the Upper West Side

Terror on the Upper West Side. I imagine a lot of "heavens to betsy" comments being thrown around with these dogs.

NFL Wildcard Weekend Picks

The NFL postseason is upon once again and I couldn't be happier. I always seem to be travelling for the two first weekends of the playoffs, so there is always a bit of mystery that leaves me wanting more out of the NFL. Has there ever been a weirder scenario then four road teams all being favored in the first weekend? No way that's ever happened. The picks are really, really tough this week since the stronger teams are all the on road, neutralizing some of their effectiveness. And now on to the picks...

Home teams in CAPS.


CARDINALS (+2) over Falcons


Everyone loves the Falcons in this game, which makes the Cards just a little more appealing. Let's look at a few of Atanta's stats: 4-4 on the road, rookie QB, rookie coach, 3-3 in games played outside a dome. Now look at Arizona's stats: 6-2 at home, veteran QB, veteran coaching staff that knows the playoffs (from their Pittsburgh days), and perfect weather for game time. The weather might be the most important factor for Arizona. They are a touch/finesse team that plays well when the football is clean and Kurt Warner can grip the ball without having to deal with the cold, rain, snow etc. If the ball is clean and the weather is decent, he can effectively distribute to Boldin and Fitzgerald, two receiving monsters Atlanta's secondary can't contain. Simply, Arizona is built to play in nice weather, something they'll get this Saturday.

Arizona is certainly undervalued, because, well, they're not really that good. But they've dropped a couple of games once they wrapped up the division. Motivation is tough when the players don't have anything to play for anymore. I see them playing well for at least one day, and sending Matty Ice and the Falcons packing. 34-28 Cards.


Colts (-1) over CHARGERS


The Chargers have to be the luckiest team in the NFL during the last decade. They have talent, but an 8-8 team that was at one point 4-8 and got a couple of charity wins compliments to Herm Edwards, should not be considered a serious contender. I understand the Chargers usually play the Colts tough, but the Colts have won 9 in a row, including a win in San Diego. Just take a quick look at the matchups:

Tony Dungy v. Norv Turner
Peyton Manning v. Philip Rivers
Indy D v. Chargers D

The Colts win the coaching, quarterbacking and defensive battles. Additionally, Indy was 6-2 on the road; the Chargers were 5-3 at home. Any time a team has a better away record then the home team they're playing, I'm taking the road team. 24-20 Colts.


DOLPHINS (+3) over Ravens


I think this is the hardest game to forecast during the weekend. On one hand you have a Baltimore team that has a dominant defense, an effective offense, went 5-3 on the road and won in Miami earlier in the season. Conversely, Miami has a veteran QB, won 9 of their last 10, and is playing at home. Something has to give. In this situation you look at the individual matchups and see who wins:

Pennington v. Flacco -- Edge Dolphins
Sparano v. Harbaugh -- Push, but I'll give the slight edge to Sparano
Balti D v. Miami D -- Edge Ravens

I think these teams are pretty even, and whichever team has the ball at the end of the game wins it. This is going to be a completely unwatchable, low-scoring affair. I say the game is settled by a last second field goal. 17-15 Ravens.


Eagles (-3) over VIKINGS


Everyone is pushing the Eagles this week, and for good reason. The Iggs destroyed the Cowboys last week with a complex defensive package that annihilated Romo and the 'Boys. Any time you can play against Tavaris Jackson and Brad Childress the following week, it's just icing on the cake. The Metrodome will be a tough environment, so the Vikes certainly have the homefield advantage, but Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb should take care of business against the worst team in the playoffs. 27-20 Eagles

Ridiculously Ugly Sweatshirt

Now that's one ugly sweatshirt.

A Christmas Sized Wallet

I have a standard, two-fold, brown leather wallet that I like to keep as thin as possible. This means constant removal of receipts and papers I'll never us and a strict no-useless-card policy. I usually have my Drivers License, Credit Card, Debit Card, Subway Card and Office Card on the outside pockets with a few miscellaneous but necessary cards and papers on the inside fold. I would say on average, the wallet is running about .25 to .50 inches thick.

Over Christmas, I was given a few extra gift cards as well as grabbing new subway and transit cards. Needless to say, I'm going to make some major purchases soon or I might have to start reevaluating what I consider necessary for my wallet. The leather pockets are stretched to maximum capacity and the two ends are at a right angle, almost to a Costanzian degree. Something has to give, but you'll never see me in a man purse.

Bandwagon. Rejoined.

Best goal of the season.

Tahoe Ski Resorts

Without gloating too much (training for the Powder-8's at Tahoe in a week) and sounding like a ass, here are my Tahoe ski resort rankings.

1. Alpine Meadows - Nestled on Tahoe's north shore, this local favorite isn't as well known as Squaw but provides everything Squaw can offer but without the pomp and fanfare. Basically the accommodations are less luxurious, but the snow is better.

2. Kirkwood - While Alpine is situated north of the lake and attracts more people from the SF Bay area, Kirkwood sits to the South and is a little more remote and less populated. Like Alpine, this is a local favorite that eschews the gltiz of Squaw and Heavenly. #1 and #2 on my list are a cut above #3 and #4 in terms of crowds, price and snow.

3. Squaw - The Winter Olympics were held here in 1960, and therefore carries a more expensive lift ticket. At Squaw you take a gondola almost to the top and ski down from there. The snow is very good, but the crowds and price keep this below neighboring Alpine Meadows in the rankings.

4. Heavenly - Located on the South Shore, Heavenly straddles California and Nevada. One of the biggest resorts in North America, Heavenly has become more about the nightlife and accomodations than the actual skiing. Still, one of the biggest and best in Tahoe with majestic views of the lake.

5. Northstar - Alpine and Kirkwood are local favorites. Squaw and Heavenly are tourist destinations with decent snow. Northstar is neither. It's not quite big enough to be a mega tourist place and isn't quite small enough to feel like a local place. Still, the snow is good and makes my top-5.

NFL Playoff Picks Revisited

Here were my picks at the beginning of the season. As you can see, I went 4 for 12 on the picks--not showing off, not falling behind.

NFC East

Original Pick - Eagles*, Cowboys, Redskins
Actual Results - Giants*, Eagles

I'll be the first to admit it, the Giants surprised me, but my analysis of the NFC East was spot on. Every team finished .500 or better. If any of these teams played in the NFC West, we might be talking about an undefeated season.

NFC North

Original Pick - Vikings*
Actual Results - Vikings*

+1 for Livengood.

NFC South

Original Pick - Saints*
Actual Results - Panthers*, Falcons

Anyone that picked the Falcons to go to the playoffs was either crazy or lying. I probably should have seen the Saints defense couldn't stop anyone.

NFC West

Original Pick - Seahawks*
Actual Results - Cardinals*

It wasn't exactly a tough pick, Seattle had dominated this division the past couple of years. It was more a vote against the other teams rather than a vote of confidence for Seattle. The NFC West didn't disappoint in showing just how bad four collective teams could be. Didn't think it was possible.

AFC East

Original Pick - Patriots*
Actual Results - Dolphins*

You could blame Brady's injury on the Patriots not making the playoffs, but they still finished 11-5. If they had Brady, that would have been good for 1-2 more wins, tops. In the AFC West I picked the Raiders to make the playoffs--horrendous pick, but there is always going to be a surprise team. This time it was the Dolphins, not the Raiders.

AFC North

Original Pick - Browns*
Actual Results - Steelers*, Ravens

The Browns pick was my worst call and I can barely sleep over it. I didn't originally pick the Steelers since they had a tough schedule, but they proved their naysayers wrong. But at what cost? Ben Roethlisberger probably suffered 18 concussions this season and doesn't even know how to spell his last name.

AFC South

Original Pick - Jaguars*, Colts
Actual Results - Titans*, Colts

I was partially right about the South since the Colts relinquished control of the division, I just didn't see the feisty Titans unseating the Colts.

AFC West

Original Pick - Chargers*, Raiders
Actual Results - Chargers*

This division rivals the NFC West for futility. The Chargers made me look good down the stretch, but it wasn't pretty finishing at 8-8. The Raiders, as I explained above, were picked because there are always a few surprise teams. This year it was Atlanta and Miami, just not Oakland.

Home Alone...Greatest Movie Ever?

Home Alone. Greatest Christmas movie ever or simply greatest movie ever? This movie has it all--action, comedy, and drama. I laughed, I cried, and I debated how realistic it was an eight year old bested two grown men trying to break into his house. For me, it can't get much better. Also, Macaulay Culkin's real life struggles only make the younger actor that much more adorable.

I leave it to my loyal readers. Is there a better Christmas movie? I say no.

0-16! 0-16! 0-16!

Somewhere, John McKay is popping a little bubbly.

Teixeira Signs With the Yankees

Reason # 8445345334 to hate the Yankees, and if live outside Los Angeles, Boston, Philly, New York, Chicago or St. Louis, reason # 23428934729347273 to hate baseball in general.

Viva La Revoltion!

The Revolution continues with this spirited effort by the San Francisco 49ers.

Feed Bag's Electronic Cousin

I couldn't help but think of the Feed Bag when I saw this.

Horse Statue Vandalized

The Pendulum is Swinging

If it works for Brad Pitt...

A Normal Subway Ride?

Week 16 Picks

Christmas comes early for the readers in the form of mailbag. As always, these are occasionally real questions with real answers. The Picks follow the Q and A session.

Q: Who would you rather punch in the face: Philip Rivers or Tony Romo?
-- D. Ross, Arlington, VA

Excellent question. As a Redskins fan, I'm required to say Romo, but if you held a gun to my head, I would say Rivers. Not only does he look and act like Greg Marmalard from Animal House, he just seems like a complete douchebag. I think a simple way to answer this would be: who would you rather hang out with? No question it's Romo, if only for the possibility of a Jessica Simpson appearance.

Q: I sent you a link to an item speculating about Mike
Holmgren coming to DC next season but you ignored it. So, do you think the Skins should give up on Zorn and go after Holmgren? Would Zorn accept a demotion and stay as offensive coordinator? Or would Holmgren make more sense as a team president type? Or should the Skins just take a deep breath and give Zorn more time.
-- Guy who destroyed you in Fantasy Football, Chevy Chase, MD

I've grown accustomed to Chainsaw Dan's hasty coaching changes, but I believe Zorn deserves to come back next season. Snyder ousted Marty Schottenheimer after an 8-8 season a few years ago, but he seems to have calmed down. Zorn hit a rough patch these last few games, but most of those loses were to quality teams (Pittsburgh, Dallas, Philly etc). Holmgren has been a head coach since 1992 and is on record saying he wanted to take at least a year to spend time with his wife. Even if Snyder threw a ton of cash towards the Walrus, his heart wouldn't be in the job. Additionally, Campbell would be learning another system, further hindering his progress. So Zorn stays.

Q: Two part question:

1. Who will be the Redskins head coach next year?

2. If fired, will Jim Zorn reunite with Steve Largent to remake Starksy and Hutch with a Christian twist?
-- C. Tom, New York, NY

1. Jim Zorn.

2. Without a doubt. Look at that picture.

Q: If an aspiring young high-school athlete wishes to play in the NFL, what are the chances of being selected to play in college and then in the NFL? What percentage of high school footballers play college football? What percentage of college football players play in the NFL?
-- H. Livengood, Washington, DC

1 in a 100? More like 1 in a million.

Q: Do you think Tom Brady's knee injury will effect his stunning good looks?
-- K. Carroll, New York, NY

Not unless the doctor took a scalpel to Brady's face and makes him look like Tom Cruise during the second half of Vanilla Sky.

Q: What is inside the football? Air?
-- M. Livengood, Baltimore, MD

Unless these quarterbacks are really strong and have been slinging 30 lb. leather rocks this entire time, I think it's air.

Give me a call some time. I have some interesting investments you should take a look at.
--B. Madoff, New York, NY

That's not really a question, but I think I won't be answering him any time soon.

Q: Two parter:

1. When and where will I get signed to be a kicker/TE?

2. Who has more STDs: TO orrrrrrrrrr Jeremy Shockey?
-- T. Senecal, Jacksonville, FL

1. I would hang up you dreams of becoming a TE. I don't think you can compete with Visanthe Shiancoe, either on the field or in the locker room. As for becoming a kicker, you couldn't be much worse than Shaun Suisham, so I would give it a shot. Maybe you should take a bat to Josh Scobee's right knee to get the Jax gig.

2. Shockey, and it's not even close.

Q: What excuse did Deion Sanders give for not paying his car mechanics bills?
-- H. Smith, Arlington, VA

Nobody messes with the Jesus.

Q: What are you wearing right now?
-- S. Duvall, Arlington, VA

Black denim jeans, red mock turtleneck, beige sport coat with elbow patches. And a monocle.

Q: How much is the Illinois senate seat worth to you?
-- R. Blagojevich, Springfield, IL

Whatever it cost to cut your hair. That's what I'm willing to spend.

Can I have a hug?
-- J. Zorn, Landover, MD

As Michael Scott would say, let's hug it out bitch.

Cyber?
-- R. Weller, New York, NY

Get you mind out of the gutter.

On to the picks...

Week 16 Picks

COWBOYS -4
Steelers -2
CHIEFS +3.5
PATS -7.5
Bengals +3
RAMS +5.5
GIANTS -3
LIONS +7
Eagles +5
VIKINGS -3
SEAHAWKS +4
Texans -7
BILLS +6.5
Chargers +3.5
BEARS -4

80's Movie Trailer of the Week -- Timecop, 1994

I know Timecop came out in the early 90's, but so what, it's my blog and I'll do what I want. I was sold when I saw Ron Silver in the credits.

Week 16 Picks - Laser, Rocket Baby Arm Addition.

Colts (-6) over JAGUARS

Indianapolis has won 48 regular seson games in a row, so I'm sticking with the hot hand and predicting a Colts win. Not much of a shocker, but the game is in Jacksonville after all. Hey Denver/San Diego and NE/Miami/NYJ, I would not want to play Indy right now. You better pray they're on the other side of the bracket.

Green Man

Day Man

Peter King and his readers, get some new material

Say what you want about ESPN's TMQ, but at least he's original. Here is his idea about putting a chip in the football to avoid goal-line controversies, written November 20, 2008.

"More importantly, why do we even have to discuss this stuff? Let's put a chip in the football and end these debates.

If swim meets and horse races can be photo-timed to the hundredth of a second, it is ridiculous that the football world has to argue about whether a ball crossed a line. Some kind of radio chip embedded in footballs, and weighing next to nothing, could surely provide a GPS-like readout on whether the ball touched some kind of electronically projected line in front of the end zone and along a field's sidelines. Considering the state of miniature electronics, this doesn't seem as if it would be very hard to do. College engineering departments surely would compete for the right to design such a system. The system might prove too expensive for high schools and small colleges, but with all the money involved in the NFL and in football-factory colleges, the price of adding electronic sensing would be small by comparison. So let's insert a chip in the football!"

Now here is Peter King's mailbag, written December 16, 2008:

"• GOOD IDEA. From Steve Gillespie, of Houston: "Peter, isn't it about time that a chip is placed inside the NFL game ball that can signal upstairs when it crosses the goal line?''

Excellent point; I'd love the see that technology used if it can be perfected. The other idea, from Bill Belichick, is this one: why not have fixed cameras on the side of every NFL goal line, looking straight down the line from slightly above the field, with fixed cameras looking down each sideline and each end line also. I'd love to see something to take the doubt out of those replays."

I would be willing to bet the same people reading King's MMQ and are also reading Easterbrook's TMQ. So Steve Gillespie of Houston (and Peter King by association), get some new material.

Redskins Playoff Hopes

After crunching the numbers, I've determined the Skins make the playoffs if:

-Redskins win out
-Falcons lose out
-Bucs lose out
-Eagles lose out
-Bears lose out

Sooooooooooooooooooo you're telling me there's a chance?

Gloves

It's so cold in my office right now, I'm contemplating throwing on a pair of gloves. Not Dan Marino approved isotoners, but a similar pair. It might make typing a little difficult.

Worldwide Leader in Bad Programming

The Cleveland Browns were on Monday Night Football for what felt like the 39th time this season. How idiotic is ESPN? Is it that difficult to forecast games? Here's a little background story on the Cleveland Browns: They've been horrible forever, had one good, non-playoff season last year at 10-6 and suddenly they're on prime time every week. So if ESPN is going to put the Browns on primetime, at least do it in the beginning of the season before everyone realizes how much they suck and how their 10-6 season last year was an aberration.

There is an easy solution. Put the upstarts from the previous season that aren't normally good on the primetime in the beginning of the season and put the big market franchises and teams that have a track records of putting up quality seasons towards the end of the season. This means putting the Colts or Pats in week 12 or 13, not week 1. Chances are the Colts and Pats are going to be good at the end of the season, so it's a waste of a good game. Put the upstarts (like the Browns of this season) in September before people realize how much they suck.

Are you listening ESPN? If the Dolphins or Falcons go 11-5, make a little playoff run, I want to see them play in September, not December. It's not that difficult. Make it happen.

Who Throws a Shoe? Honestly!

CNN is the worst news source ever.

CNN has the worst news coverage I've ever seen. News? They might as well call it missingwhitegirls.com. I don't think I've ever read a decent article on the website. Their "breaking news" is an absolute joke--usually some inane celebrity sighting. I'm removing them from my favorites at work right...now.

When Times Are Tight...

...Rent out your bathroom. Compliments of Citizen.

80's Movie Trailer of the Week -- Over The Top, 1987

Compliments to T-Bone for this one. I might have to start renaming this the Sly Trailer of the Week.

"Lincoln Hawk (Stallone) is a struggling trucker who's trying to rebuild his life. After the death of his wife, he tries to make amends with his son who he left behind years earlier. Upon their first meeting, his son doesn't think too highly of him until he enters the nation-wide arm wrestling competition in Las Vegas."

Plax and Pierce in the Stripclub

Here is an article and video shot of Plax and Pierce hours before the shooting.

Week 15 Picks

JAGUARS (+2.5) over Packers

This is one of the more unwatchable games on the slate this weekend. I would amputate my left leg to avoid watching this game. What? Too Soon? Somewhere, a Jags fan is simply shaking his head in mild disgust.

Lions (+16.5) over COLTS

If the Lions manage to cover this game, that would have to be the upset of the year, right? The Lions have been putting up a good fight the last couple of games, and combined with the nonexistant home field advantage for the Colts in the Lucus Oil Stadium--or, as it's more commonly known, the house that Manning built--I expect the Lions to put up a good fight and to at least cover.

BENGALS (+5.5) over Redskins

The Redskins offensive line is decimated. Coach Zorn is fighting with our best player, Clinton Portis. Our offense can't score more than one touchdown a game. And yet, I like the Skins to beat the woeful Bengals. I expect a very low scoring game. Something in the neighborhood of a 17-13 Skins win.

Bucs (+2.5) over FALCONS

I don't really have the stats in front of me, but most interdivision NFC South games are going to be close. Matt Ryan and Michael Turner have garnered some MVP consideration, and deservadly so, but I see the Bucs shutting the door on the Falcons playoff hopes with a crucial road win.

DOLPHINS (-6.5) over 49ers

San Francisco has the distinction of being the only West Coast team to win a game in the Eastern Time Zone this season. They beat up on the anemic Buffalo Bills a few weeks ago, but the Dolphins are just a wee bit better than the Bills. The cross-country flight should leave the 49ers fatigued, allowing the Dolphins to stay in the playoff hunt with a win.

Seahawks (-2.5) over RAMS

These two horrendous teams are battling it out for the right to select #5 in the 2009 draft versus #4. Congratulations. Somewhere, Knowshon Moreno is contemplating one more year at Georgia.

JETS (-6.5) over Bills

I was flipping through a recent Sports Illustrated issue that was celebrating the years best photographs. One of the selected photos was an extremely closeup shot of Favre at his "retirement" press conference. You could see the salt-and-pepper stubble and the crocodile tears flowing. I swear that if I have to endure one more offseason of Brett flipflopping on his retirement, I...just...might...snap.

Titans (-3.5) over TEXANS

A popular upset pick with the masses, but the Titans still have something to play for and won't let this winnable game slip away. If the Titans lose, and the Steelers win this week, then the Steelers would control their own destiny and be on track for the #1 seed since the two teams play each other next week. The Titans won't let that happen.

Steelers (+2.5) over RAVENS

And for the 192nd time on blogengood, here is the Troy Polamalu/LT commercial. I wouldn't mind seeing a spoof of this commercial with normal, everyday citizens growing up. Maybe show two accountants growing up and reading math textbooks, dominating their middle school tests, dividing checks at restaurants in their heads and then finish off with a high-five as they walk out of their cubicles on the way to the office bathroom.

Broncos (+6.5) over PANTHERS

Big win for the Panthers on Monday night. I see a letdown game coming off the short week. Everyone has been talking about how good the Panthers running game is and how effecient their offensive line has become. I think those guys start believing some of the hype and play down to their NFC west competitors.

CHIEFS (+3.5) over Chargers

The Chargers are like the villain at the end of a cheesy horror movie that simply won't die. They keep coming back up only to see the heroes (Broncos) put another bullet in them and finish them once and for all. I say they get their final death blow in Kansas City.

CARDINALS (-3.5) over Vikings

The MVP is Kurt Warner's to lose. If the Cardinals blow a couple of games down the stretch and Adrian Peterson and the Vikings win out, I could see AP stealing the award. But in this game Warner should be able to pick apart the Vikings secondary by throwing for 800 yards, 7 TD's and -2 rushing yards, and holding on to the MVP for at least one more week.

Patriots (-6.5) over RAIDERS

Welkahh was huge for the Pats last week, saving the Patriots playoff hopes. Since the best corner (I can neither spell nor pronounce his name) in the game will be covering Randy Moss this week, I see another huge day for Welkahh.

Giants (+3.5) over COWBOYS

Terrell Owens is apparently jealous of Tony Romo and Jason Whitten's sleepovers and wishes he had the same relationship with the QB. This rocky relationship coupled with the Cowboys history of buckling in December means a Giants victory.

Browns (+13.5) over EAGLES

I bet ESPN wishes the Browns weren't on Monday night for the 18th time this season. Their season is in the toilet, but they have played reasonably well this season on Monday. The Eagles still pull ou the W though.

Last Week: 10-6

Girl Loses Virginity...And Texts Her Dad

Well that is awkward.

Failed EHarmony Application

Fail Blog

Lewiston, ME...Birthplace of Erin Andrews

During a slow, rainy day in New York, the mind sometimes wanders. This wondering usually leads to the Internet, which leads to google, and inevitably leads to a simple Erin Andrews search.

Apparently, according to the trustworthy news source, wikipedia, Erin Andrews is from Lewiston, Maine. How did I not know this? If you've ever had to privilege to see some of Lewiston's finest in Dunkin' Donuts or 7-11, then you can confirm the average woman is a chain smoking troll doll with bad teeth, worse hair and a thick New England accent.

Lewiston should just erect a sign saying "Home to Bates College and Birthplace of Erin Andrews."

Week 15 Picks - Thursday Night Game

BEARS (-3) over Saints

The Saints are the classic 8-8 team that dominates at home and lays a turd sandwich on the road. The short week tends to favor the offenese, so I fully expect a high scoring affair, something in the realm of a 33-28 Bears win.

Plus, this Kyle Orton picture just screams: "Hey! Look at me! I'm just a normal guy in a t-shirt and jeans! I like to casually lean against tackling dummies like the soft, sensitive guy that I am."

Foreigner + Babies = Gold

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Fox cameras let Shiancoe bare all

Who does Visanthe Shiancoe think he is? The Vikings tight end is trying to one up Chris Cooley. Cooley doesn't let another TE show him up, either on the field or off. You haven't heard that last from Cooley, mark my words.

Most Likely To Succeed

A great piece from Malcolm Gladwell in The New Yorker on evaluating talent and seeing who is right for particular jobs. Of course, when half of the article talks about football, it makes for a pretty easy read.

The Computers Like the Skins.

Comliments of the citizen, this nifty program simulates the remaining NFL games. And guess what? If the Skins win out, chance are they sneak in as the #6 seed.

Young Hit with a Cup

Carolina Panthers fans hate Steve Young. It was either a great throw or it was intended for Emmitt Smith's bumbling mouth.

Oh, Sweet Jesus

SNL Digital Short - Jizz in my pants - 12/06/08 - watch more funny videos

Compliments of Longtooth.

80's Movie Trailer of the Week -- Night Hawks, 1981

Wulfgar (Rutger Hauer), an international terrorist holds the City of New York hostage, but Deke DaSilva (Sly Stallone), the most dangerous cop known to man, can take him down.



1:45 of solid gold.

Week 14 Picks

COLTS (-13.5) over Bengals

I received an inside tip the starting QB for the Bengals, Ryan Fitzpatrick, proposed to his longtime girlfriend in a McDonald's. Seriously? This is a starting QB in the NFL, making close to $1 mil and not only is he eating at a McDonalds, but he is proposing to his girlfriend in the restaurant? I wonder if she's going to reconsider when Fitzy throws for 147 yards, 0 TD's and 3 INT's against the Colts?

BEARS (-6.5) over Jaguars

Earlier in the season, I traded Matt Forte for Roy E. Williams and I'm currently sitting at 5-8 in that league. Of course, I have the most points in the league, but I'm certainly not putting this trade on my resume. Bottom line: Forte is nasty and should run wild over the Jags. And I also regret the trade.

PACKERS (-5.5) over Texans

This isn't a stamp of approval for the Packers, but rather a thumbs down for the all-red jerseys Houston wore on Monday night. Those red unis were some of the most hideous things I've ever seen. Maybe Gary Kubiak should pull a Pete Carroll of USC and forfeit timeouts to wear their red jerseys on the road. No matter what color jersey they wear, they should still lose to the Pack.

TITANS (-14) over Browns

Ken Dorsey is now the starting QB for the Browns and Albert Haynesworth couldn't be happier! Dorsey was the Browns opening day 3rd stringer behind the now-injured Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson, but is now thrust into the starting role. I'm going out on a limb and saying Tennessee is going to stack the line of scrimmage and force Dorsey to throw. Even if he does somehow get the ball away, we all know Braylon Edwards is dropping anything thrown his way.

SAINTS (-3) over Falcons

Should I take the home team to cover every single game? Why not. The 'Aints seem like the team that only plays well at home and when they are faced with a must win game. Plus, I'm hoping the 8-4 Falcons lose so the Redskins.

GIANTS (-7) over Eagles

Let Plax go! Let Plax go! I don't think we are going to see a NFL and United Way commercial with Plax anytime soon. The strange thing about the suspension is that the Giants might be better off without their most talented receiver. Since Plax is gone, opponents don't have to worry about devoting two defensive backs to cover him and can crowd the line of scrimmage to neutralize the run. This move actually helps Manning, Toomer, Hixon and Steve Smith (not the good one) but hurts the running game. This is truly the Eagles last gasp, but even without Plax, the Giants should pull out the victory.

LIONS (No Line)* over Vikings

Background: The massive Vikings' defensive linemen, Pat and Kevin Williams (no relation), were suspended for taking dietary water pills, a banned substance by the NFL. The lineman sued the NFL and got the four-game suspension lifted, or at least, delayed the suspension for one more game. What I love about this whole episode is that it was a Minnesota judge who ruled against the NFL. Isn't that a conflict of interest? A judge who is most likely a Vikings fan ruling in favor of the Vikings. Frankly, I'm just shocked.

* I guess Vegas is holding back the line until the suspensions are finalized. Either way, I like the Lions to cover.

49ERS (+4) over Jets

I'll be rooting for the 49ers to win, so it can stop all this Jersey A/Jersey B Super Bowl matchup nonsense. Frankly, it's not happening and I just want all the talk to go away.

Dolphins (Pick 'em) over BILLS (in Toronto)

The Bills gave up whatever home field advantage they had by playing this game in the cushy confines in domed-field Toronto. The warm weather 'Phins should be able to adjust quite well to the indoor conditions whereas if they were playing outside in Buffalo, they wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the cold weather.

Chiefs (+9) over BRONCOS

I think I have the Broncos figured out: They play down to their competition, but excel during a big game. I'm guessing the Cutler-led Broncos overlook their 2-10 opponents and might even lose this game. Let's build on that, Herm.

CARDINALS (-14) over Rams

Final Stats:

Kurt Warner - 378 Yds, 4 TD's, 0 INT's
Q Boldin - 124 Yds, 2 TD's
Larry Fitzgerald - 147 Yds, 1 TD
Steve Breaston - 94 Yds

Soooo yeahhh, I like the Cards to absolutely steamroll the Rams on 10 days of rest.

STEELERS (-2.5) over Cowboys

My early pick for Defensive POY hails from the Steelers secondary, and should be able to get at least one pick and several tackles. We know Romo is throwing at least one interception, and I'm guessing Troy Polamalu is the lucky recipient. I'm forecasting a wintry mix on Sunday afternoon with a probable Dallas loss.

Patriots (-4.5) over SEAHAWKS

If the Patriots have any postseason dreams, this is a must win game. I see a lot of touch passes from Cassel to Welkah and Moss, who should feast on the Seahawks secondary and the excess blubber from Mike Walrus Holmgren.

Redskins (+5) over RAVENS

Let me set the scene for you: Early December 2007, the Redskins sit at 5-7 and people are writing off the season. Fast forward to late December 2007--the Redskins are 9-7 and in the playoffs. The lesson here? Never count them out, and since we're 7-5 this year, I'm predicting another Sunday night victory in December when no one believed in us (similar to the Vikings Sunday night game last year).

BUCS (+3) over Panthers

ESPN couldn't happier about having two 9-3 teams playing each other this late in the season. Most of ESPN's games this time of year are of the Thursday night San Diego/Oakland variety. The Bucs defense is really, really good and should be able to stop the surprisingly good DeAngelo Williams. My dream scenario is that one of these teams wins out, while to loser goes into a December tailspin and lets the Redskins back into the playoff race.

Santa's Gmail Account

Love that Plax made the naughty list. Santa's gmail account.

Week 14 Picks - Thursday Night Game

Raiders (+9.5) over CHARGERS

What an absolute stinker of a game. I guarantee this sets the lowest rating ever for a NFL Thursday night game. Outside of San Diego and Oakland, only Rivers, Tomlinson and Gates fantasy owners are tuning in (if they get the NFL network). If the Chargers lose this game, which they very well might do, Turner could get fired. Redskins fans everywhere are nodding in agreement.

Van Der Vaart knows whats important

Clearly, the Dutch midfielder has is priorities in line.

Rickey Henderson

Top 25 Rickey Henderson stories. These are great. I once knew someone that had a poster of Henderson in his A's uniform pulling a huge truck with the back compartment opened revealing hundreds of bases. Classic stuff.

DC bars open until 5am

DC bars will be open 24 hours/day during Obama's innauguration. Alcohol will be served until 5am. I'm guessing things will get pretty sloppy.

China Pics

The Bird's Nest, site of the '08 Beijing Olympics. The structure was quite impressive although it was coated in smog.

Standing on the wall, keeping the Mongol hordes at bay.

True story. This portion of the wall was erected in the 15th century by 7 million Chinese. It only took 14 years. Take note Big Dig, take note.

Another majestic shot with a sweeping view.

Entrance to the Ming Tombs.

China Pics

Here are some choice pictures from the trip to China. Enjoy.

One of hundreds of buildings in the Forbidden City, the former private residence of Chinese emperors. The Forbidden City is roughly the size of Rhode Island. Huuuuge.

Big Brother Mao.

Tiananmen Square. Apparenly there are plain-clothed spies among the thousands of tourists ready to nip any protest in the bud.

Monument to the Peoples Heroes.

Downtown Pudong, the business district of Shanghai. With their nonexistant labor laws, and their two billion residents, the Chinese are able to throw up skyscrapers in a few months. 15 years ago this was all farmland.

For the man who has everything...

...the 87 tool swiss army knife.

Juicy Tidbits

A few facts about the Chinese...

1. Absolutely love NBA basketball, especially the Houston Rockets. Not surprising since Yao Ming plays for them, but it's still startling to walk by little shacks and see TV's turned to NBA games. Yet, most Chinese are horrendous at basketball. I'm not really one to talk, but anyone over 6'2" would have more blocks than Marcus Camby in a pickup game.

2. Other favorite sports include soccer, badminton and table tennis.

3. I am told Pete Carroll (Blogengood's connection in the Orient) saw a Chinese man step on to a treadmill at a gym. This Chinese man immediately started walking on the treadmill while watching TV and started smoking. He was also wearing sandals. Apparently Western ideas of exercise are quite different.

4. China's love of sports is only matched by their love of smoking. It's like something out of a Mad Men episode. Except the cigarettes are much, much harsher than Marlboro Reds.

5. Adore American fast food. Specifically KFC, Dairy Queen, McDonalds and Pizza Hut. In true Demolition Man fashion, the Pizza Hut's are really nice, borderline fancy restaurants. Also the KFC and McDonalds are quite the same, obviously catering their menus to the Asian populations.

...more to come

Chinese James Bond

I'll post some more tales from China, but I wanted to share an amusing story about the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace. This film is still in theaters and judging by reviews, a mediocre film at best. That being said, it's still Bond, so I wanted to see it.

In Manhattan, if I happen to treat Katie to a ticket, buy the tickets on Fandango, get some drinks and snacks in theaters, the total bill can run close to $40. Simply ridiculous. That's why when I had the chance to buy new Bond movie on a pirated DVD in Shanghai for the rough equivalent of $2.50, well, I jumped at the chance. I didn't really care if the quality was poor, since that money wouldn't even get my foot in the door in New York. Did I mention the movie was released a week ago in the United States?

I started watching the movie, and while the quality wasn't great, I wasn't complaining because of the absurdly low price. After an hour of smooth sailing, a scene repeated intself before going to the next action sequence. It was like I rewound the movie for five minutes and started watching again. No big deal, I can live with that.

A few minutes later, the English suddenly fizzled out and the dialogue was suddenly in Chinese. Regardless of what kind of audio settings I had, the movie switched back and forth from English to Chinese. Furthermore, when the movie was in Chinese, I added English subtitles--except these weren't normal English subtitles--they were in Chinglish, a delightful Chinese twist on the English language. For example, and English subtitle might read "It was Green who sold the nuclear warhead" while the Chinglish would be translated as "It was Blue who took the bomb battletop."

So for about 20 minutes, I had to deal with the three-headed-monster of poor picture quality, Chinese audio and Chinglish subtitles. Additionally, the movie was extremely difficult to follow, so I never really knew what was going on. But the funny thing is, none of it really bothered me since I spent less than $3 on the flick. So if anyone is interested in seeing the movie, I will gladly give you the pirated DVD, compliments of Shanghai's finest computer hackers.