Pepsi Cola

Wayne Campbell: [after Ben orders Chinese food speaking Cantonese] This guy is good.
Benjamin: I picked up a littel Cantonese while I was in the Orient. You know, you sound a lot like you're from Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.
Cassandra: I waw *born* in Kowloon Bay!
Benjamin: There you have it!
Wayne Campbell: This guy is really good.

Trip to China

Tomorrow I will begin my eight day journey to stamp out communism in China by butchering words in Mandarin and taking guided tours of the Great Wall. I can't promise any posts since Blogengood is way too racy for Chinese tastes and is most likley blocked, but I will post some pictures when I return.

WEEK 12 PICKS

WEEK 12 PICKS

Home team in CAPS.

Bengals (+11) over STEELERS

Who Dey? Dey Bengals are on a three game non-losing streak if you count the tie and bye, so hope is not lost for the Cinci faithful! This "rivalry" game is pretty lopsided in favor of the Steelers, and I don't really expect anything different. I think with Ocho Stinko (who is my least favorite player in the league) out of the game for violating team rules, the Bengals will be more relaxed and not be forced to throw the ball in his direction. I like the Steelers in a close one.

On a sidenote, how crazy was the gambling swing in Steelers/Chargers game last week? Apparently it cost Vegas betters over 66 million dollars. I imagine people who took the Chargers to cover immediately threw the remote at their TV's when Troy Polamalu ran back a touchdown. The call was later reversed (incorrectly, I might add) screwing just about everyone.



BROWNS (-3) over Texans

This is a vote of confidence for Brady Quinn to pick apart the Texans. I think Quinn is the real deal--both pectorally and footballory (I think Emmitt Smith used these words in his last broadcast). Quinn would be even better if Braylon Edwards possessed hands instead of bricks. I can't remember a better athlete who had worse hands. I was watching the Bills/Browns game this past Monday and I needed Braylon Edwards to go off for fantasy football. He managed 100+ yards but it would have been at least 150 if they man possessed average hands. It's almost as if Quinn was throwing Edwards the ball and he responded by setting the ball up in the air like a volleyball waiting for a teammate to spike it. Incredibly frustrating.

CHIEFS (+3) over Bills

Ryan Lindell missed a last minute field goal attempt wide right in Monday's game, which must have seemed eerie to the Buffalo faithful. The Bills need to get Lynch and Jackson going early to establish the running game. Unfortunately, Trent Edwards has no confidence to throw down the field allowing the Chiefs to crowd the line of scrimmage and force at least eight men in the box. When the Chiefs have the ball, Tyler Thigpen has surprisingly spread the ball around to Dwayne Bowe and Tony Gonzalez. In one of my leagues, I am actually going to start Tyler Thigpen over Donovan McNabb. I'm not really sure if that's a compliment to Thigpen or an insult to McNabb.

TITANS (-5) over Jets

I'll be rooting for the Titans to go 16-0 forcing all those annoying Pats fans to admit they aren't the greatest team in the world. I'm not so sure they can do it, but I say they keep the ball rolling with a win against the Jets. For the Pats/Jets Thursday night game last week , I went with some coworkers to a Patriots bar to cheer on the Jets. None of us were Jets fans, but we just wanted to annoy Pats fans a "Pats" bar. By the end of the night, I was cheering for the Redskins, so by all accounts, the night was a success. So give me the Titans in this one.

PATRIOTS (+1) over Dolphins

The Dolphins have a pretty easy schedule after this game, so if they can squeeze out a win here, they have a decent shot at the playoffs. This game won't be easy and I think Belicheat will have videotaped the Dolphins practices figured out a way to contain the Wildcat. Joey Porter might dislocate his jaw from talking smack during this game. Unfortunately, I don't think Porter nor the Dolphins will make enough big plays to get the victory.

49ers (+10) over DALLAS

Can people just settle down when talking about Tony Romo. He didn't look that good against the might Skins defense. If the Skins offense wasn't so anemic, people would be wondering why the Cowboys lost the game and what is wrong with his wittle winkie winger. The 49ers should do well enough to avoid a pants dropping episode from Singletary, although I am hoping for a juicy post game conference regardless.

LIONS (+7.5) over BUCS

0-16? Is that possible? I think the Maret JV football team could score a few TD's against the woeful Lions. That being said, there is still fight left in this team, and I think this is their one win of the season. All Culpep needs to do it throw it up to Megatron a few times.

Eagles (+1) over RAVENS

Can everyone please stop harping on the fact McNabb didn't know games could end in a tie. First of all, I just think he is messing around with the media---no ten year veteran could not know. Second of all, it wouldn't really determine how he plays the game. McNabb and the Eagles are still trying to win the game. Let's just hope McNabb can redeem himself and push the Philly haters away. Also, I'll be rooting for him to throw up on the field ala 2004 Super Bowl.

Bears (-7.5) over RAMS

With the exception of a two game burst in the middle of the season when they beat the Redskins and Cowboys, the Rams have looked like one of the worst teams in the NFL. They played one of the most horrendous games ever against the Jets and laid another stinker against the 49ers. This team has quit on one coach, and they are about to make it two when they stink it up for Jim Haslett and the rest of the Rams fans/coaches. Not that the Bears have been tearing it up lately, but at least they're in the middle of a divisional race and will play with heart.

JAGUARS (-2.5) over Vikings

Talk about two disapointing teams. Raise your hand if you thought their collective records would be under .500 at this point in the season. Yeah, you can put them down now. Purple Jesus and MJD should run wild and, at the very least, score a couple of TD's since these two defenses have been bustahbusts.

Panthers (+1) over FALCONS

He may have either water or natty ice running through his veins, but young Matt Ryan will get a wake up call from the swarming Panthers defense. The NFL season is long and hard--that's what she said--so Ryan won't be able to relax for a week and play a cupcake, like, say, Duke. Each and every game is a grind.

BRONCOS (-9) over Raiders

If one this is clear this far into the season, the Raiders might be the worst team in the NFL. Seriously, I would pick the Lions, Rams, Bengals and Chiefs to all beat the Raiders right now. Especially on the road. Brandon Marshall will get shut down since the best CB, Nmadii Osissdksndfsdbfk, is covering him. That means Eddie Royal should have a field day. Yep, give me the Broncos, big.

Redskins (-3.5) over SEAHAWKS

Even though the Redskins seem to play in Seattle every year, I think they finally beat the Seahawks and the supposed "12th Man." Jim Zorn should know the Seahawks playbook in and out and should be able to stop anything the 'Hawks might throw at them. I'm positive the Skins defense can hold the Seakawks to under 17 points. It's just a matter if the Skins offense can generate enough points to win. I think they can.

Cardinals (+3) over GIANTS

This is only if Brandon Man-Child Jacobs doesn't play, otherwise I like the Giants by a Jacobs size load. The Cardinals should be able to spray the ball around the field unless Tuck tears Mr. Brenda Warner's arm off. Additionally, I don't think a West Coast team has won a game in the EST, but that might change this week.

CHARGERS (-2.5) over Colts

The Chargers are terrible on the road yet amazing at home. The Colts look like the hottest team in the NFL right now. Something has to give. I give the slight edge to the Chargers since LT seems to be healthy again, and, in case you missed it at the beginning of the post, this commercial.

Packers (+2.5) over SAINTS

Know why Drew Brees is going to break Dan Marino's single season passing mark? It's because the Saints are so bad, they consistently fall behind and are forced to air it out to try to make up the point difference. Rodgers and the Pack looked great last week, and I say they keep it going. If you are unsure about this game then go by this measure: if Rodgers has any facial other than a mustache, then I like the Pack huge. If he is clean shaven, then forget it, give me the Saints.

Week 11 Picks -- Part 1

PATS (-3.5) over Jets

In the Thursday night game nobody will see (damn you NFL network, damn you), the Jets are playing with a stacked deck. The weather is going to be bad, which favors the Jets running game. The Pats are also battling a couple of key injuries. That said, Belichick should outcoach Mangenius during the short week so I'm taking the Pats. Plus, I really like this picture.

Note -- This pick is only for the Thursday night game. Come back tomorrow for the remaining week 11 picks.

FSU gets medieval on their fellow students.

This reads like the plot from The Program. The scene where ESU (modeled after FSU) players get into it with townies/students at the bar seems pretty similar to this.

Cliffhanger Opening Scene

Best. Opening. Scene. Ever.

Demolition Man Preview

Although this trailer is extremely dated, lots of unintentional comedy. Rob Schneider, the three shells and Taco Bell just kill me.

Free Mountain Bikes

I imagine Maret shuttling all of the "problem" kids into a janitor's closet during Michelle Obama's tour of the school. Much like Principal Skinner duping Bart and Nelson et al into thinking they are getting mountain bikes and locking them in a supply closet during a surprise visit by Supernintendo Chalmers.

Amazing Picture of Spider

People have different ways of dealing with unpaid debt. Tough times had by all.

Canadian Tuxedo

I had to purchase a new pair of jeans since I have abnormally large legs that are quite disproportionate to my body, and I tend to wear through my pants at an unusually fast pace. Additionally, since I have the luxury of wearing jeans to the office every day, these pants wear out pretty quickly. I like to own one pair of jeans, two if I feeling particularly frisky. But usually it's the same pair of pants to the office every day. Therefore, I needed a new pair of jeans.

I was currently rocking one pair of J Crew jeans that were originally purchased for $95 last January or February. Apparently J Crew has a policy of allowing you to return products that have abnormal wear and tear up to 90 days. My jeans were purchased well over 8 months ago and clearly past the 90 days return window. However, that didn't stop me from trying to fleece the system.

I strolled into the J Crew at Columbus Circle where I bought the last pair of jeans to look for a new set. The man was suspicious and asked if I had a receipt; I replied I did not. He asked if I had the credit card used in the previous purchase, so I happily handed him both of my cards knowing full well they wouldn't have a record of the purchase.

After a few minutes of chitchat, I convinced him to sell me the pair of pants on sale for $76, even though the tag said $95 and there was no display indicating a sale. Furthermore, they gave me credit for the price of the old pair of jeans which were $39 if you bought them from a discount rack at an outlet store. The grand total was $36 for a brand new pair of jeans. I didn't feel bad at all since the clothes are already insanely overpriced. The whole episode took 5 minutes and saved me $60. I highly recommend you fleece the system and let J Crew pick up the pieces.

John Daly--American Hero, Professional Businessman

I can't say I'm surpised by this.

Elevators in Gyms

One of the great mysteries in the world is why there are elevators in gyms. I suppose I understand they need them for handicapped individuals and to adhere to building codes. With that in mind, I guess I just don't understand why people who are able bodied actually use them. If you can't climb two flights of stairs in a gym, maybe you don't deserve to work out. I mean, what's the point of going to the gym if you can't muster up the energy to walk up a couple of steps. I can let it slide if you just ran a marathon on a treadmill and literally have nothing left, but why would you take the elevator before you even workout. I would love to know.

Week 10 Picks

Home team in CAPS

BROWNS (-3) over Broncos

Brady Quinn was named starting quarterback of the Brownies this week, effectively ending the Derek Anderson era in Cleveland. Since the Broncos defense is absolutely horrendous, I'm going with this guy, here, here, here and here to lead the Browns attack during the Thursday night special.

LIONS (+6.5) over Jaguars

Daunte Culpepper might start for Lionesses this week. I guess that whole letter to the league saying he was done with football and never coming out of retirement wasn't entirely true. Culpep just needs to throw bombs to Megatron for the game plan to be effective.

Titans (-3) over BEARS

Kerry Collins vs. Rex Grossman. Does this sound like the quarterback matchup between two clubs with a combined 13-3 record? Well, I'm guessing the defenses and running game are compensating for poor quarterback play. A nice showcase for two potential rookies of the year in Chris Johnson and Matt Forte.

Bills (+3.5) over PATRIOTS

For some reason, the Bills always seem to play the Pats tough. If we have learned anything about the Pats during the last two months, it's that they are wildly inconsistent. This is a must-win game for the Toronto Bills.

FALCONS (-1) over Saints

I tell ya, that Matty Ice can really play. Whether he is slinging the leather rock to Rowdy Roddy White or Michael LEEEEEERRRRRRRROOOOOYY Jenkins, the man is simply en fuego. Bonus points for teams that don't take water pills.

Rams (+8) over JETS

The J-E-T-S are probably the most overrated team in the league right now. Their soft schedule might actually land them in the playoffs, but it's proven they play down to their competition. Love Tommy Lee Jones in this game, by the way.

DOLPHINS (-9) over Seahawks

If I have one goal with my weekly picks column, it's to post them before Peter King comes out with his picks. That didn't happen this week, but his thoughts on the Dolphins/Seahawks game were spot on. Another cross-country flight for the Seahawks means another double-digit loss to an east cost team.

Packers (+2.5) over VIKINGS

Incumbent Norm Coleman and comedian Al Franken are locked in a race that went to an automatic recount since the results were too close to call. Regardless of politics, I can't take a team from a state that is close to voting a former Saturday Night Live member as their Senator.

Ravens (-1) over TEXANS

This is the makeup game delayed from Hurricane Ike in week 2. I liked the Ravens then, and nothing has changed by mind. If anything, this pick is easier since Sage Rosenfels will probably self destruct like he did against the Colts.

Panthers (-9.5) over RAIDERS

I heard a crazy rumor that Al Davis is purposely throwing the season so Oakland fans won't be upset if he tries to move the team back to Los Angeles. What else can explain signing DeAngelo Hall to megabucks then cutting his sorry ass eight games into the season. I'm definitely regretting picking the Raiders to make the playoffs during the preseason.

Chiefs (+15) over CHARGERS

This is more of a vote for Karl Rove's pronunciation of "Missourah" on CNN rather than a +1 for the bumbling Chiefs. The Chargers will probably win this game, but they have certainly underwhelmed me before. Also, George Brett used to play in the same city.

STEELERS (-2.5) over Colts

Man, the Steelers laid a good ole fashioned smack down on my beloved Redskins. The Steelers are legit, and when healthy might be the best team in the NFL. I'm guessing Peyton Manning comes home in a body bag. Yeahhhhh.

EAGLES (-3) over Giants

How are the Eagles favored in this game? The Giants are dominant on the road and even though all signs point to another Jints victory, I'm itching to pick the Iggles. I'm going to scratch that itch and pick the Eagles in the upset.

49ers (+9.5) over CARDINALS

Mike Singletary just became my favorite postconference coach. Win or lose, I'm sure the public will be treated to some delicious clips. I only hope Singletary and Vernon Davis duke it out in the lockeroom before, during and after the game.

Last week: 7-7

Chuck, JUICE IT!

If Obama Wins, This is What Fox News Will Look Like

I'm willing to bet that if Obama wins, Fox News will look like this screen with either a loud beeping sound or Bill O'Reilly cursing in the background.

Cars Burnt to a Crisp.

Imagine your a Skins fan. Imagine walking out of FedEx field last night to find this.

This easily could have happened at the Skins/Browns game I attended a few weeks ago.

Argentina's New Coach

Umm, I think he's put on a little weight since his playing days.

The Final Countdown

Voting Machines

I stood in line for 45 minutes this morning, but eventually cast my vote. Perhaps it was my first time voting in the state of New York, but I wasn't prepared for the ancient voting machine. I had to pull a huge lever to the right to initiate the machine, flick some additional switches to cast my votes, and then pull the lever all the way back to send out the votes. The machine was at least 50-60 years old and resembled the "machine" from the Princess Bride, complete with suction cups, levers, pulleys and water pumps.

George Brett Shits His Pants

The Simpsons Pick Their Candidates

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

ESPN pulls Simmons column

For whatever reason, ESPN pulled Bill Simmons' usual Friday afternoon NFL picks column. I'm guessing it was a column filled with political statements about the upcoming election. Simmons, a known Obama supporter, probably bashed McCain in some way. A few months ago, Simmons was set to record a podcast with Obama, but the idea was scrapped at the last second. Presumably one of the muckety-mucks at ESPN was a McCain supporter. I bet something similar happened here.

You Can Vote However You Like

Kids from Atlanta sing "You Can Vote However You Like," a parody of TI's "Whatever You Like."

Luke and the Chipotle Challenge

1954 - Roger Bannister runs sub 4-minute mile.
1993 - Chipotle founded in Denver, CO.
2004 - Sean Taylor drafted by Redskins.
2006 - Luke Friedman attempts to eat 4 Chipotle burritos in under 25 minutes and run sub 6 min mile while keeping the food down.



Quite possibly the greatest feat known to man.