Albert Haynesworth Signs with Redskins

I guess I'm happy about Albert Haynesworth signing with the Skins for $100 million. I'm guessing he is good, not great and plays four or five years before retitiring. Also, being able to stomp on Andre Gurode's head twice a season is a nice bonus.

Joe The Plumber, Samuel the Author

Joe the Plumber's book isn't doing well. It should be noted his name isn't Joe (it's Samuel) and he isn't a Plumber. Also, the bookstore at 18th and L in DC isn't exactly bustling with blue collar workers who might appreciate his story.

Murray Hill

Funny because it's true. If you live in Murray Hill, I'm sorry.

Facebook Strikes Again.

Well that's embarrassing.

Every Man, Woman and Child For Himself

My office had our office fire drill today. Let's just say it went something like this.

Mustard, Candlestick, Library.

Apparently, Clue is being made into a movie. I loved the '85 version as well as the standard board game. Hopefully this brings more Col. Mustardesque facial hair and Prof. Plum pipes into mainstream America.

Walker Told Me I Have AIDS

Boom Goes the Dynamite

This was easily the best part of the Oscars. Ladies and gentleman, I present Will Smith...and boom goes the dynamite.

Any Advantage to the Recent Weight Gain?

Are ponchos, muumuus, capes, jumpsuits, uni-sheets, muslim body rolls, academic and judicial robes the only articles of clothing you can wear? Perhaps this is why.

The George Steinbrenner Calzones.

George Steinbrenner high school is looking for a mascot. Any ideas? One deadspin comment recommend the Calzones, which I fully sport. They're warm, delicious and his one true love.

Ram Robinson

This is just shocking news, SHOCKING I tell you. A 'roided up steroid pusher in the Wrestler has been arrested for...pushing steroids.

Mad Men -- Oysters Was A Bad Choice

If you haven't seen Mad Men, go buy the first two seasons. Take two sick days and enjoy. This scene is one of my favorites.

Context: Roger Sterling recently made an ass of himself at Draper's house by hitting on Don's wife and generally being a drunken fool. Draper gets his revenge by paying off the elevator attendant to fake a technical problem so he and Sterling have to take the stairs. Sterling is in horrible shape--consistently drinking and smoking--so when the two men return from an oyster and Martini-soaked lunch for an important meeting with a client, the twenty-odd floors are torture for Sterling. To make matters worse, Bert Cooper (Sterling's partner, and head of the agency) is waiting for Roger when they return:

You Not Say Ukraine Weak

Risk is one of the all-time classic board games. The game of world domination involves strategy, ruthlessness, and a lot of luck rolling dice. I played a few weeks ago, and can attest to Ukraine's weakness.

Little Zizou

This is pretty much how I looked on the field when I was six. Supposedly, the Algerian sensation is the next Zidane. Let's just hope this child star doesn't end up like Macaulay Culkin or Danny Almonte.

Ski Poles

2009 Oscar Predictions

Even though I've only seen two of the best picture nominated films (Slumdog and Ben Button), it won't stop me from making a few Oscar predictions. Since last years show had low ratings, I have a feeling they gave marquee stars with marginal performances some nominations to boost ratings. However, just because they were nominated doesn't necessarily mean those hacks will win.




Best Picture:

Slumdog Millonaire
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Milk
Frost/Nixon
The Reader

Pick: Slumdog Millionaire. Danny Boyle's tale set in Mumbai should win, but then again, Brokeback Mountain should have beaten Crash a few years ago. I could see Ben Button sneaking in, but it would truly be an upset. Milk is a longshot, but the Academy might give the film the statue since Brokeback was slighted three years ago.

Best Actor:

Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler
Sean Penn - Milk
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Brad Pitt - Ben Button
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor

Pick: Mickey Rourke. Penn and Langella are the only other options in this category. Penn is just as likely as Rourke, but since Penn won a few years ago, I think they give it to Rourke. People want Rourke to win so he has the chance to do something crazy during his acceptance speech. If he does something crazy, the rating will be higher, so it's in the Academy's best interest to give Rourke the statue.

Best Actress:

Kate Winslet - The Reader
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Meryl Streep - Doubt
Angelina Jolie - Changeling
Melissa Leo - Frozen River

Pick: Kate Winslet. Winslet, Hathaway and Streep are in a three-way race. Streep seems to get nominated every year, so I don't think people give it to her. That leaves Winslet and Hathaway. Winslet seems like she has made a decent number of films that her body of work should get her the Oscar.

Best Supporting Actor:

Heath Ledger - Dark Knight
Four Other Random Dudes That Have No Chance

Pick: Heath Ledger. As good as money in the bank. Stone Cold, lead pipe lock.

Best Supporting Actress:

Penelope Cruz - Vicky Christina Barcelona
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler
Amy Adams -Doubt
Taraji Henson - Ben Button
Viola Davis - Doubt

Pick: Penelope Cruz. It's a two-way race between Cruz and Tomei. Tomei won 15 years ago for her memorable turn in My Cousin Vinny, in one of the Oscars all-time biggest upsets. That means even if she is more deserving than Cruz, she won't win this time. I'll take Cruz, but this category is wide open.

Best Director:

Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire
David Fincher - Ben Button
Gus Van Sant - Milk
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Stephen Daldry - The Reader

Pick: Danny Boyle. I feel very confident about this pick. He's won every other award out there. Also, if Slumdog is upset in the best picture category, they still give the favored director the statue. Perfect example is when Shakespeare in Love upset Saving Private Ryan, but Steven Spielbergo still took home the statue for Best Director.

Ovechkin's Unreal Goal

Alex Ovechkin's goal last night against the Habs was, without a doubt, the goal of the year. Note the backhanded pass to himself off the boards at center ice to start the play.

2009 MVP...Shane Battier?

According to Michael Lewis, Shane Battier is the the most valuable player in the league. Supposedly the Houston Rockets are using a complex formula to evaluate talent, and that "Moneyball" type formula says Shane Battier tops the list.

New Zealand...Rocks!!!

The people pictured here were paid in cash or offered free tickets to New Zealand if they displayed some temporary tattoos of NZ on their heads. Personally, I would have gone with New Zealand....Rocks!!! Although it might need another exclamation point.

We are the Niners

This 80's team rap from the San Francisco 49ers is just one notch below the Super Bowl Shuffle.

NBA on NBC Theme Song, Performed by John Tesh

The greatest sports theme song of all time combined with some air piano and powerful keyboards. Tell me where to sign.

Don't Tase Me, Bro.

This is what happens when you mix drinking, driving (lawnmowers), and tasers in the backwoods of Louisiana. Don't tase me bro.

He Shoots. He Scores.

The Florida Panthers announcer and I share the same movie collection.

Johnny Cash Has Looked Better

Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman.

$800 seat, obstructed view included.

This is what $800 seats look like in the new Yankee Stadium. Quite the view.

Gary Williams and Maryland BBall.

Here is...ah...a pretty unflattering portrayal of Maryland basketball and Gary Williams.

Lets Go 'Nats!

The Nationals finally signed a marquee player. Let us welcome Adam "Big Donkey" Dunn to the friendly confines of Nationals Park.



Pencil Dunn in for 40 HR's, 100 RBI's, and...200 K's.

So what was a 60-102 team is now a 65-97 team. Let's go 'Nats!

Teddy Bear Holding a Heart

Nothing says Happy Valentine's Day to that special someone like a Teddy Bear Holding a Heart.

Heath Shuler

Whether or not you like his politics, you have to admit former Redskins QB Heath Shuler was a terrible quarterback. Apparently his fellow Congressmen feel the same way.

Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out!

Brett "Crocodile Tears" Favre is retiring. Again.

Best In Show

A ten-year old Sussex spaniel won best in show at the Westminster Dog Show yesterday, becoming the oldest dog to win the award. Last years winner, Uno, was nowhere to be found. Uno didn't have the heart of a champion since he spent all his time on the banquet circuit sipping champagne and bacon grease from his doggy bowl. Uno really let the fame go to his head.

Rihanna gives Chris Brown Herpes, Violence Ensues.

Chris Brown allegedly punched out Rihanna for giving him herpes. I'm not sure who is at fault here-the VD or CB?

Streak for the Cash

A Minnesota Vikings fan took down the monthly top prize in ESPN's Streak for the Cash with an impressive 77 victories. The concept of Streak for the Cash is simple: Guess various 50/50 propositions. As the proud owner of 4-game losing streak and a .250 winning percentage, I tip my cap to you sir. Very impressive.

I'm On A Boat

A-Hole

After Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids, I was excited for the attention-grabbing headline of the New York Post. I was expecting "A-Roid" but that was too easy, even for the NY Post. It looks like they settled for the subtler "A-Hole." Bravo.

So easy a caveman can play horse.

You may have heard the NBA was bringing back H-O-R-S-E for the upcoming All-Star game. What you probably don't know is that game won't be called HORSE, it will be titled G-E-I-C-O. Another example of a major sport bowing to the corporate giants for a few extra pennies.

(scroll to the middle of the page after the link)

Bo Jackson

Benjamin Franklin said it best: In this world nothing is certain except death, taxes, and playing as Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl was completely unfair.

Portis on Pass Blocking at the Pro Bowl

Everything CP says is pure gold.


Clinton and Shark from Tanner Cooley on Vimeo.

Harrison Cost Ivey $800k

Phil Ivey bets the house, gets a bad beat.

Advantage KY Derby

Devastating news for drunken hooligans, horse fans, and jort enthusiasts. The Preakness is banning all alcohol this year.

Clothing Optional

Dallas Cowboy Terry Glenn was arrested for possession of marijuana and was found...roaming the hallways sans pants. Yep, that's not best idea. It's unclear if Michael Phelps was in the room with Glenn at the time.

San Antonio Holmes

Arizona Cardinals fans (if they exist) can't feel good about this picture. Looks like Holmes didn't get his feet down.

Google. Taking Over the World One App at a Time.

Stalking, made easier

I am...

...now accepting submissions for my fantasy baseball team. Thoughts?

I Love Grand Slam Breakfast.

I can't believe I forgot about this deal. If I had remembered, it wouldn't have been above me to rent a car and drive to the nearest Denny's in NJ.

Also, I can guarantee the Denny's in Lewiston was out the door and around the block.

Lego Land

As a Lego and New York enthusiast, this was pretty cool.

Tina Fey/Liz Lemon/Sarah Palin in the Flesh

Tina Fey works out at NYSC, Katie considers switching teams.



Katie: OH MY GOD

TINA FEY was working out on the ellipical next to me at the gym

not even kidding

Sent at 10:29 AM on Tuesday

Katie: our eyes locked in the mirror

but i was so shocked i didnt say anything

and she was watching my tv

while listening to her iphone

me: you didn't break down and profess your love to her?

Katie: no but i wanted to the whole time

me: how did she look?

Katie: she seemed more like tina and not like liz lemon

no glasses

she is skinny and small

she looked good

Hey Bruce, Killer Slacks Man.

For those that didn't get enough Bruce Springsteen last night, feast your eyes on this.

New Wheaties Box Image?

Michael Phelps used his incredible lung power to take a man-sized bong hit. I honestly don't know what the big deal is. Sure he is possibly throwing away millions of endorsement dollars, but he's acting like every 23-year old in the country.