Spuds McKenzie

Spuds McKenzie, the original party animal. Seriously, was there anything the dog couldn't do? He must have bagged so many girls during the 80's.





Spuds on the water:

Spuds as a drummer.

Spuds on the piano.

Spuds at the Olympics.

Spuds at the beach.

Marathon Simmons Chat

Marathon Simmons chat? Sir, yes sir. I better clear my schedule.

Relaxed Obama White House

If the new relaxed dress code means the Oval Office is one step closer to Hawaiian Shirt Friday, then I support it.

Rod Blagojevich's Hair

With Rod Blago's trial about to start, the real question everyone is asking is: What kind of shampoo does he use? How does he get such volume?

I'm guessing he isn't a 2-1 kind of guy, definitely has different shampoo and conditioner. As for the products, I'm guessing a combo Herbal Essences, Pantene Pro-V. The only thing I guarantee is that he isn't using Sauve or Prell.

Also, he is supposed to deliver a closing argument in his impeachment trial that I imagine would go something like Clay Davis' trial:

The Bacon Explosion

Now that is some good eatin'. I'm clogging my arteries just by reading the article.

CEO's Furniture Must Go

This probably ties into the Michael Lewis article.

Big Street Fall Hard

Michael Lewis, author of Liar's Poker, is back to chronicle the demise of Wall St. in this excellent article.

White House in Hotlanta

Exact replica of the White House? Classy Atlanta, classy.

Super Bowl XLIII Pick

I remember the day like it was yesterday: January 26, 1992. A day when the sun shone a little brighter. A day when people had an extra spring in their step. A day when people were rioting in the streets and burning couches. I'm talking, of course, about the day the Redskins won their last Super Bowl.

Flash forward 17 years. The Redskins have won two playoff games in the past 17 years, never advancing past the divisional round. There are DC fans almost old enough to buy cigarettes and porn that haven't tasted the sweet nectar of Super Bowl victory.

And yet of all the suffering teams, the Arizona Freakin' Cardinals are one win away from their first Super Bowl trophy. This is the same team with five playoff appearances in the last 50 years. This is the team most famous for making a 5'5", 160 lb. Cuba Gooding, Jr. the greatest wide receiver in film history. This is probably the least successful franchise in sports.

Obviously, I'm quite bitter about the Cardinals making the Super Bowl. Perhaps the least deserving team in history. Even with all the animosity and bitterness towards Arizona, I still kind of like the underdog and think they have a shot against the big, bad Steelers. So to conclude a mediocre and inconsistent season of picks, here is my Super Bowl stone-cold, lead-pipe lock.

Cardinals (+7) over Steelers

This line is way too high for a team that has steam rolled opponents for three games. With the exception of the 3rd quarter of the Eagles game, the Cardinals have looked dominant in all facets of the game. On paper, the Cardinals have better special teams and offensive units, while the Steelers clearly have the best defense. Since the Cardinals high powered offense and the Dickie LeBeau defense will cancel each other out, the game will come down to the Steelers ability to move the ball against the Cardinals.

Contrary to popular belief, the Steelers ranked near the bottom of the league in rushing and will most certainly be passing. Since Hines Ward is banged up and will be covered by Antonio Rodgers-Cromartie, he won't be effective. That leaves San Antonio Holmes to feast on the Cardinals secondary. There will certainly be a play where Cardinals safety Adrian Wilson creeps to the line, but Holmes gets open over the top for an easy touchdown.

The Cardinals should get a couple of big plays from Fitzgerald (half man/half machine) and Q Boldin, but God won't be smiling on Brenda Warner and the Cards on Sunday. In the end, I see the Cardinals keeping it close but the Steelers prevailing, 21-17. I like Ben Roethlisberger to throw for a couple of TD's (one to Holmes, one to Miller?) and take home MVP honors. Barring a scenario where Lois Einhorn kidnaps Ben Roethlisberger, I see the Steelers coming out victorious. That would leave the Super Bowl count at: Steelers 6, Redskins 3, Cardinals 0. Still bitter.

RIP John Updike (Not Mauled By Wolves)

John Updike passed away today. The obituary was written rather quickly, probably written before he died, ala Gerald Ford.

I'm taking this baby global

After months of delays, Blogengood now has a site counter. Although the number may appear small, it isn't counting the hundreds of thousands of hits the site got before the counter.

Quotation Marks

If you want an example of the growing stupidity in America, look no further than the copy room guys in my office. Yesterday, I sent these guys a stack of documents to digitally scan and add these things called bates labels. Bates labels are just a tiny number in the corner of the page to make it easier to distinguish individual documents in a large batch.

For these particular documents I wanted to add "JA0001" to bottom right corner. In the description I wrote: Please add "JA0001" et al seq. in the bottom right corner, including the quotation marks so they could easily tell where to begin and end the description. Of course when I got the documents back they say "JA0001" instead of JA0001. They brilliantly added the quotation marks and my entire copy set was ruined. Un-be-liev-able.

Chainsaw Dan is in the Building!

Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins, will be in my office Tuesday and Wednesday. Unfortunately, I don't work on the case he is getting deposed for, but that won't stop me from wearing all my Redskins gear to the office with the hopes of getting a picture.

For those that don't know, Chainsaw Dan got his name from illegally cutting down trees on his property for an unobstructed view of the Potomac River, an act that while harmful to the environment, drastically increased his property value (if anything, he is a shrewd businessman).

If I meet him, I imagine the conversation going something like this (Snyder will then immediately hire me for a Skins front office position):

From 5:30-6:05 is how it will play out.

Well that is mildly inappropriate.

PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON!

I've made it a point to get into the new season of 24. I polished off the first few seasons during the period between college graduation and employment. It was quite easy to watch 12 episodes a day when, you know, you're not actually doing anything. I've watched all five episodes of this current season and it seems like I haven't missed anything.

Season 7 takes place in DC, which makes sense since I saw Jack Bauer (certainly not Kiefer Sutherland) on the streets of Georgetown during the summer of '07. Interestingly, Bauer stood at 5'5", maybe 5'6" tops and smoked like a like a chimney.

The current season is great, but my only problem is Janis Gold, Janeane Garofalo's character. She is incredibly distracting and not exactly what I think of when I imagine counter-terrorism. Also Billy Walsh from Entourage is a Garofalo's coworker. So I propose a toast to Janis Gold's demise in episode 6.

10 man studio show

NBC's bloated NFL broadcast just got a little more crowded. Tony Dungy and the Walrus Holmgren are being added to the star-studded, ego-filled lineup that already includes:




Peter King
Keith Olbermann
Dan Patrick
Bob Costas
Tiki Barber
Jerome Bettis
Chris Collinsworth
Al Michaels
John Madden
Andrea Kramer
Matt Millen

Simmons' dream of a tiered game show with studio analysts is about to come true.

Crotch Crescent

Oh, those Brits. Such rapscallions. Funny town names and signs.

Outfield

You've heard the song but have you seen the video? Great hair and spectacular special effects.

Alonzo Mourning Retires

The Georgetown alum and seven-time NBA All-Star is retiring from basketball. Although he wasn't the most dominant big man in Georgetown's history (Ewing, Dikembe come to mind), he was certainly one of the all time greats at Georgetown.

About 10 ten years ago, I walked into a Pepboys in Rockville, MD and overheard a very tall gentleman, which I later found out to be Zo, say: "That's tight. I'd hit that." He must have repeated the phrase at least 3 times then walked out of the building. According to the sales clerk, he purchased over $10k worth of accessories for his Cadillac Escalade. I can only assume some frisky Georgetown coed was trying to rekindle the magic and Zo was obviously more than happy to oblige.

A true professional and class act all the way.

2 mil people from above

Aerial view of the inauguration. If you look closely you can see a few people taking pictures and waving miniature American flags.

That Has to Hurt

Laser, Rocket Return.

Because it's Wednesday...It's Business Time

And because I'm wearing business socks.

Any advantage to the recent weight gain? Yes. Power.

...And in other news, I'm now watching figure skating.

Are You Employed, Sir?

Dick Cheney is Jeffrey Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski is Dick Cheney. I picture Cheney giving the same speech to Bush on his first day in the White House as Jeffrey Lebowski gave the Dude.

L.L. Bean Boots

Are L.L. Bean Boots appropriate for gentlemen under the age of 60? Yea or Nay? The Sperry's are rendered useless in the modern urban slush bowl, but these boots would do just the trick. Unfortunately they are back ordered on L.L. Bean until March and I can't find them anywhere else. What is a guy who appreciates warm and dry feet to do?

Barack O'Bama -- 44th Prez

No one is as Irish as Barack O'Bama.

On another note, I watched the inauguration on hulu. Disturbingly, the feed was through Fox News. Perhaps even more unsettling was the giant Paul Blart/Mall Cop advertisement directly below the live feed, distracting me from properly reflecting on the historic moment. Damn you Mall Cop, damn you.

NFL Conference Championship Picks

If I've learned anything from the NFL playoffs (which I haven't), it's that no one knows anything. Actually, that's not correct--there is one piece of information that is true. I've mentioned this before, but if every instinct the general betting public has is wrong (bookies didn't get rich by people winning), then the opposite must be right. For example, you couldn't find a single person outside of the Cardinals lockeroom that thought they had a chance against the Panthers. Everyone was convinced the Panthers would steamroll. Everyone had the same facts:

• Cards were 0-5 on the East Coast.
• Lost to the Panthers earlier in the season
• Panthers featured the best 1-2 running game in the league
• Panthers were well rested coming off a bye.
  
• Kurt Warner is 37

Guess what? The Cardinals dominated the Panthers in every facet of the game, and frankly, no one knows exactly how and why it happened. Well the general public was dead wrong on the game. Therefore what seemed to be impossible picks are actually quite straight forward. You take the team everyone loves and pick the opposite. On to the picks...

CARDINALS (+4) over Eagles

Boldin/Man of Steel is back for this game, a fact Jim Johnson can't be happy about. Throw in the inevitable circus catch Fitzgerald is going to make, and it seems the Iggs are in trouble. Also, the home crowd will be pumped up. Furthermore, if the Tampa Bay Rays, formerly the most inept team in baseball can go to the World Series, then why can't the Cardinals win one game to make the Super Bowl.

In reality, I'm trying to justify picking the Cards because if the line moved from -3 to -4 for Philly, then I'm definitely taking the Cards. I'll hedge my bets to forecast an Eagles victory though.

Pick: Eagles 24, Cardinals 23.

Ravens (+6) over STEELERS

True story: The mayor of Pittsburgh, Luke Ravenstahl, will legally change his name to Luke Steelerstahl for this game. "Stahl" is also German for Steel, which means his last name is Steelersteel. Although Pittsburgh was founded by the Germans in 1902, which of course in German means a whale's vagina,there is no way I can pick a team where their mayor's last name is Steelersteel.

This is the rough equivalent to the Redskins playing the Cowboys in the NFC Championship game and the mayor of DC (my boy, Fenty) changing his fictional last name of Cowboyhaut to Redskinshaut. Haut, of course, is German for skin. Therefore, his new last name is redskinsskin. See how ridiculous that looks? That's why I can't take the Steelers to cover. Again, I'll hedge my bets and still have the Steelers win.

Pick: Steelers 3, Ravens 2. (Reed kicks last second FG, Ngata with safety in the third quarter)

Plane Lands in the Hudson

A plane landed on the Hudson River earlier this afternoon. By all accounts, every passenger on board is fine. This image also represents US Airways stock. Sweet jesus, that water has to be cold.

Japanese Bug Fights

If you liked Chris Farley's Japanese Game Show skit on SNL 15 years ago, you'll love this website. The premise of the site is fairly simple: Put two killer bugs (scorpion, tarantula etc) in a cage and let them fight to the death while a Japanese commentator does play-by-play of the events. Compliments to COB (cousin of the blog, Max) for this one.

Looking good Lewis. Feeling good Billy Ray.

It had been a while since I last watched Trading Places, so I decided to watch the ole 80' classic last night. Here is one the great scenes:

From 3:30 - 4:04 is pure gold.

Reilly Sucks

I think Rick Reilly is trying just a little too hard to sound young and relevant in this article about beer pong. I liken it to a father asking his children "what are the kids listening to these days?"

Drank -- Slow Your Roll

Once a big fan of Sparks and Red Bull (had to kick the habit when my heart actually beat out of my chest), I was intrigued to learn about a new anti-energy drink, Drank. Combining 7-Up and cough syrup, Drank is the rough equivalent to taking four Tylenol PM's with a warm glass of milk. Hey, if it's good enough for Lil Wayne, that's all I need to know.

Delhomme's Tears

Artists rendition of Jake Delhomme, quarterback for the Carolina Panthers and public enemy #1. The man who single handily cost me a shot at my NFL Playoff Pick 'Em Pool when I foolishly picked the Panthers to win.

Heaven on Earth

How am I not growing a beard and purchasing a ticket to London right now?

Delta is the worst.

If you can avoid flying Delta Airlines in the near future, I highly recommend doing so. Delta merged with Northwest over the summer, but instead of cutting the dregs of the company they seemed to have promoted the most incompetent, useless employees. This is doubly true for JFK employees.

A few highlights from my recent trip:

1. Delta has a policy of only allowing one checked bag per flight if you want to avoid paying extra bag fees. One exception to the rule is ski and boot bags count as one bag (as long as they are under 50 lbs combined), as mentioned here. Unfortunately, the employees at JFK didn't get this memo, so explaining that I shouldn't be charged an extra fee was completely mind boggling to them. The scene was roughly equivalent to a surgeon explaining open heart surgery to a non-doctor. Eventually they were going to charge me and give me a $50 coupon towards my next flight on Delta. This wasn't going to work since I plan on never again flying the airline. Finally, after what must have been 20 minutes, they figured out how to print two bag tags while not charging my credit card. Miracles do happen.

2. On the return flight, I was fortunate enough to have satellite TV at my fingertips. ESPN, NBC, TBS, FX etc on the personal TV directly in front of me. Unfortunately, the feed cut out so many times during the flight, it really wasn't worth my time.

3. Upon arrival back to JFK, our connecting flight from Salt Lake City was relegated to the dingiest, hottest, most ill-smelling baggage claim known to man. I can't stress how high Delta cranked the thermostat. There were only two carousels--one for our flight and one from Atlanta, which apparently landed about 45 minutes before our flight touched down. Without fail, the baggage handlers put all of the Salt Lake City luggage on the carousel for the Atlanta flight. I thought the people on the Atlanta flight were going to start a riot since our flights bags started coming out first and they had been waiting at least 45 minutes for their luggage. At one point, the bags became jammed, and instead of waiting for an attendant to fix them, an Atlanta passenger jumped on top of the carousel and fixed the bags himself. Surely a nice enough gesture, but probably not the smartest move. The attendant immediately slammed on the emergency stop and the rest of the SLC and ATL passengers had to wait another three minutes for the carousel to start back up again. At this point, all I could do was laugh at Delta's ineptitude and take in the circus. Our bags eventually arrived, but not after I thought some Atlanta passengers would try to steal other bags just to leave the Delta terminal as fast as possible. So add Delta to the growing list of airlines I will never fly again.

Powder 8's

Sorry for the lack of posts during the last week, but I was training for the powder 8's in Tahoe. Here are a couple of choice pics from the trip, pictures that may or may not bare a striking resemblance to complete strangers.

You Stay Classy New York

After the Giants game, Weller took out his frustration on a few cars in the parking lot.

Black & Cera Make Quite the Dynamic Duo

Mark you calendars: Jack Black and Michael Cera play neanderthals in this upcoming comedy. I would see this movie based on the picture alone. Compliments to friend of the blog, the citizen

Will Carcetti Cook the Books?

Somewhere, Tommy Carcetti is blaming Burrell, Rawls and Daniels for Baltimore's first murder of 2009.

Times Square

Why would anyone want to spend New Years Eve in Times Square? That place is the armpit of New York, and it's ten times worse on NYE. I believe the people you see on TV have to wear adult diapers since there are no public bathrooms and once you get past the security checkpoint, there is no going back. So there is no food, no booze and no bathrooms--not to mention adult diaper wearing. Sounds awesome.

Blackout for Arizona

C'mon Arizona. This is just embarrassing.

Merry New Year!

Snuggie's--Where Have You Been All My Life?

A blanket with sleeves? Done and done.