NFL Week 3 Picks

Week 2 was a ho-hum, so-so effort. This week I guarantee more than 9/16 picks or your money back.

Titans (+2.5) over JETS

Classic trap game for the Jets. Adrian Grenier is quite poised (sportswriters word du jour) but the Titans are desperate.

TEXANS (-4) over Jaguars

An ole Texas sized shootout.

Chiefs (+8.5) over EAGLES

8.5 is too many points to give to a Kevin Kolb team. Then again, it might be too much for a Matt Cassel team to overcome.

RAVENS (-13.5) over Browns

For the second straight week, this will be my stone cold, lead pipe lock of the week. The Browns can't score, and the Ravens are flying on offense and defense. If you're still alive in pick 'ems and haven't used Baltimore, this is the week to use 'em.

Giants (-6.5) over BUCS

If I was a gambling man, I would look at the Giants hard this week. Sure they've had to to travel quite a bit the last 6 days, but talent wins of Byron Leftwich.

Lions (+6.5) over REDSKINS

Again, just like last week, I think the Skins will win. But they've scored one offensive touchdown in two weeks, so they shouldn't be favored by more than one TD. Let's call it Skins 19-14.

Also, do you think Campbell and Zorn at checking out the specials at Zaytinya in this picture?


RAMS (+6.5) over Packers

Even though the Rams suck, they still haven't played a home game. The Packers offensive line looked horrendous last week, and it doesn't look to get any better this week. Wouldn't be surprised to see an upset here.

VIKINGS (-7) over 49ers

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, loves the Niners this week. I haven't seen one column where the writer was picking the Vikes. Am I missing something here? Sure there first two opponents were the Browns and Lions, but they still crushed them. The Niners can't pass while the Vikes can stuff the run with Kevin and Pat Williams.

PATRIOTS (-4) over Falcons

This is the week B & B get back on track. The Falcons have played two homes games and haven't had to travel yet. Yep, gimme the Pats.

Bears (-2.5) over SEAHAWKS

This is strictly if Hasselbeck doesn't play. Even if he does, I say he's ineffective. Damn, I hate to see Cutler at 2-1.

Drew Brees (-6) over BILLS

This games calls for wind and rain, which usually means lots of field goals and punting. Except when Drew Brees and the Saints play. This years MVP.

Dolphins (+5.5) over CHARGERS

Always take the opponent over a Norv Turner led team in September. That strategy rarely fails.











BENGALS (+4) over Steelers.

Kiss the baby. The Steelers haven't lost at Cinci since 2001. I think its close, but the streak will continue.

Broncos (-1.5) over RAIDERS

JaMarcus Russell alert! Good God! He's terrible!

Colts (+2.5) over CARDINALS

I'll take the over in this one. WAAAY OVVER. The Colts D was completely gassed after the Monday night affair. Short week and they have to play the Cards high flying attack. Oh, and the Colts offense isn't too bad either.

Panthers (-8.5) over COWBOYS

I'm guessing we see more shots of Jerry Jones picking his nose during this game.



Week 3 Quick Picks
Suicide Pool: Ravens
Stone Cold, Lead Pipe Lock: Ravens -13.5
Last Week: 9-7
Year: 9-7*

*Apparently the rules committee is nullifying my 16-0 week since I didn't actually make any picks.

NFL Week 2 Picks

Lets get right into the Week 2 picks...

Raiders (+4.5) over CHIEFS

When we last saw the Raiders and Chiefs, they were playing the role of pick 'em bracket busters by hanging around against the Chargers and Ravens. The Raiders might actually be decent and the Chiefs still have Brodie Croyle, Tyler Thigpen and Matt Cassel on their roster.

TITANS (-6.5) over Texans

That sound you just heard was people jumping off the Texans bandwagon. For the 13th year in a row, this was supposed to be the season the Texans made "the jump" to an elite team. Well, when you lose by 17 points AT HOME TO A ROOKIE QB IN HIS FIRST NFL GAME, you aren't that good. Plus Tennessee's coach has the best mustache in the bizzzness.



Patriots (-6.5) over JETS

Lets just say I think Belichick will draw up something special for Sanchez. Brady might throw for 400 yards and then blow off Suzy Kolber after the game.


PACKERS (-9.5) over Bengals

I watched my first Hard Knocks episode last night featuring the who dey Bengals. I know, I know, it's a great show and I should have seen it long ago, but Child Please. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what the Bengals do, they'll always get screwed. Exhibit A.



LIONS (+9.5) over Vikings

I was just bragging that I own Drew Brees or Adrian Peterson in every fantasy league I'm in. Peterson will probably tear both ACL's now that I've said it. I just reverse jinxed myself my knocking on my faux wood desk.


Saints (+1.5) over EAGLES

Here's a toast to the greatest fantasy QB in all the land, Drew Brees. Plus, the Eagles will either play Kevin Kolb or an injured McRib...so yeah, I'll take the best offense in the league.

FALCONS (-5.5) over Panthers

Simmons is crazy and Jake Delhomme sucks.

Rams (+10.5) over REDSKINS

Lets get one thing straight: I still think the Redskins will win. However to cover the 10.5 points, their offense would actually have to, you know, score points. That seems like a tall order, even against the worst team in the NFL. I see a lot of punting and field goals. Call it 16-9 Skins (with a Cooley TD, obviously).

JAGUARS (-3.5) over Cardinals

This game is at 1 PM ET and the Cardinals are a West Coast team. That's all I need to know.

49ERS (-1.5) over Seahawks

The Seahawks are back, but everyone knows they're a great home team, mediocre road team. Plus I'm fired up just to see Coach Singletary drop trou in the lockeroom during a halftime speech.





Bucs (+4.5) over BILLS

I picked the Patriots in my pick 'em pool last week, so I was happy to see the Bills collapse. However, I couldn't help but feel sorry for that franchise. Much like the Bengals, nothing seems to go right for their team. I say that lose haunts them the rest of the season and they'll never be confident enough to close out games. The Bucs were actually decent last week and could have scored more if not for a few errant Leftwich throws.

BRONCOS (-3.5) over Browns

While the Bengals might be cursed from that play, the Broncos use it as a springboard for a little run in September. Plus, playing the Browns always help.

Ravens (+4.5) over CHARGERS

Like any Norv Turner coached team, the Chargers always start slow. They have all the talent in the world, but lack that killer instinct. This week they face the Ravens, who haven't allowed a 100 yard rusher since the mid-80's. LDT is banged up and Darren Sproles is 5'6". Gimme the Ravens in this weeks stonecold, leadpipe lock.

Steelers (-2.5) over BEARS

This is a close game. The Steelers know how to win close games. The Bears don't.

Giants (+3) over COWBOYS

Very excited to see Jeff Feagles bang a couple of punts off the new scoreboard in Dallas. I say Dallas got lucky last week, while the Giants O-line completely dominated anything the Skins tried to do.

Colts (-2.5) over DOLPHINS

How 'bout the Wildcat??!?!? Yeah, seems D Coordinators have figured it out.

Week 2 Quick Picks
Suicide Pick 'Em: Redskins
Stone Cold, Lead Pipe Lock: Ravens (+4.5)
Last Week: 16-0. I have to check my figures, but yes, I believe that's correct.
Season: 16-0

The NFL Makes Their Triumphant Return

OH MY GOD!!! OH SWEET JESUS!!!

/breaths in paper bag
//has resident nurse pat his forehead with damp cloth

The NFL is back, and I couldn't be happier. After growing a long, silver beard and pontificating on global politics during the offseason, I am finally able to focus my attention to football. In the seven months since the Super Bowl, I've been living off the land in Central Park, smoking a lot of peace pipe, and sacrificing sewer rats to the Gods. I had two goals to accomplish during my spiritual trek: (1) pray for a Redskins Super Bowl; and (2) make picks.

/yells obligatory "crabcakes and football, that's what Maryland does" chant to unsuspecting officemates.

The season opens in Pittsburgh where the mighty Steelers square off against the Titans. The Steelers have won their last 6 opening games and have scored 24 points in all of them. The Titatns? Well, the Titans still have Kerry Collins at QB. The line is -6 for the Steelers, but I say that isn't high enough.

Pick:

Steelers 23
Titans 13