Molly Shannon Works It

Saturday Night Live - Sally O'Malley


I think I know where I'll be spending my New Years Eve.

San Diego Chargers Owner Diagnosed With Dementia

Sometimes jokes fall into your lap that a classier website wouldn't dare post because they are either to easy to poke fun at or the site maintains a certain level of dignity. Luckily for you readers, blogengood isn't one of those sites.

In recent news, San Diego Chargers owner, Alex Spanos, was diagnosed with dementia, a progressive decline in cognitive brain function. Not to poke fun at people with dementia, but clearly this must be why the bumbling Norv Turner is still coaching the Chargers. Zing!

Danish Dynamo's Very Own Talk Show

The NFL's most prolific kicker, Morten Andersen, once had his very own talk show. In this episode, Morten interviews Saints and Falcons cheerleaders. I'll let that sink in for a while. Good. Andersen's wardrobe and haircut are classic '94

Terror on the Upper West Side

Terror on the Upper West Side. I imagine a lot of "heavens to betsy" comments being thrown around with these dogs.

NFL Wildcard Weekend Picks

The NFL postseason is upon once again and I couldn't be happier. I always seem to be travelling for the two first weekends of the playoffs, so there is always a bit of mystery that leaves me wanting more out of the NFL. Has there ever been a weirder scenario then four road teams all being favored in the first weekend? No way that's ever happened. The picks are really, really tough this week since the stronger teams are all the on road, neutralizing some of their effectiveness. And now on to the picks...

Home teams in CAPS.


CARDINALS (+2) over Falcons


Everyone loves the Falcons in this game, which makes the Cards just a little more appealing. Let's look at a few of Atanta's stats: 4-4 on the road, rookie QB, rookie coach, 3-3 in games played outside a dome. Now look at Arizona's stats: 6-2 at home, veteran QB, veteran coaching staff that knows the playoffs (from their Pittsburgh days), and perfect weather for game time. The weather might be the most important factor for Arizona. They are a touch/finesse team that plays well when the football is clean and Kurt Warner can grip the ball without having to deal with the cold, rain, snow etc. If the ball is clean and the weather is decent, he can effectively distribute to Boldin and Fitzgerald, two receiving monsters Atlanta's secondary can't contain. Simply, Arizona is built to play in nice weather, something they'll get this Saturday.

Arizona is certainly undervalued, because, well, they're not really that good. But they've dropped a couple of games once they wrapped up the division. Motivation is tough when the players don't have anything to play for anymore. I see them playing well for at least one day, and sending Matty Ice and the Falcons packing. 34-28 Cards.


Colts (-1) over CHARGERS


The Chargers have to be the luckiest team in the NFL during the last decade. They have talent, but an 8-8 team that was at one point 4-8 and got a couple of charity wins compliments to Herm Edwards, should not be considered a serious contender. I understand the Chargers usually play the Colts tough, but the Colts have won 9 in a row, including a win in San Diego. Just take a quick look at the matchups:

Tony Dungy v. Norv Turner
Peyton Manning v. Philip Rivers
Indy D v. Chargers D

The Colts win the coaching, quarterbacking and defensive battles. Additionally, Indy was 6-2 on the road; the Chargers were 5-3 at home. Any time a team has a better away record then the home team they're playing, I'm taking the road team. 24-20 Colts.


DOLPHINS (+3) over Ravens


I think this is the hardest game to forecast during the weekend. On one hand you have a Baltimore team that has a dominant defense, an effective offense, went 5-3 on the road and won in Miami earlier in the season. Conversely, Miami has a veteran QB, won 9 of their last 10, and is playing at home. Something has to give. In this situation you look at the individual matchups and see who wins:

Pennington v. Flacco -- Edge Dolphins
Sparano v. Harbaugh -- Push, but I'll give the slight edge to Sparano
Balti D v. Miami D -- Edge Ravens

I think these teams are pretty even, and whichever team has the ball at the end of the game wins it. This is going to be a completely unwatchable, low-scoring affair. I say the game is settled by a last second field goal. 17-15 Ravens.


Eagles (-3) over VIKINGS


Everyone is pushing the Eagles this week, and for good reason. The Iggs destroyed the Cowboys last week with a complex defensive package that annihilated Romo and the 'Boys. Any time you can play against Tavaris Jackson and Brad Childress the following week, it's just icing on the cake. The Metrodome will be a tough environment, so the Vikes certainly have the homefield advantage, but Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb should take care of business against the worst team in the playoffs. 27-20 Eagles

Ridiculously Ugly Sweatshirt

Now that's one ugly sweatshirt.

A Christmas Sized Wallet

I have a standard, two-fold, brown leather wallet that I like to keep as thin as possible. This means constant removal of receipts and papers I'll never us and a strict no-useless-card policy. I usually have my Drivers License, Credit Card, Debit Card, Subway Card and Office Card on the outside pockets with a few miscellaneous but necessary cards and papers on the inside fold. I would say on average, the wallet is running about .25 to .50 inches thick.

Over Christmas, I was given a few extra gift cards as well as grabbing new subway and transit cards. Needless to say, I'm going to make some major purchases soon or I might have to start reevaluating what I consider necessary for my wallet. The leather pockets are stretched to maximum capacity and the two ends are at a right angle, almost to a Costanzian degree. Something has to give, but you'll never see me in a man purse.

Bandwagon. Rejoined.

Best goal of the season.

Tahoe Ski Resorts

Without gloating too much (training for the Powder-8's at Tahoe in a week) and sounding like a ass, here are my Tahoe ski resort rankings.

1. Alpine Meadows - Nestled on Tahoe's north shore, this local favorite isn't as well known as Squaw but provides everything Squaw can offer but without the pomp and fanfare. Basically the accommodations are less luxurious, but the snow is better.

2. Kirkwood - While Alpine is situated north of the lake and attracts more people from the SF Bay area, Kirkwood sits to the South and is a little more remote and less populated. Like Alpine, this is a local favorite that eschews the gltiz of Squaw and Heavenly. #1 and #2 on my list are a cut above #3 and #4 in terms of crowds, price and snow.

3. Squaw - The Winter Olympics were held here in 1960, and therefore carries a more expensive lift ticket. At Squaw you take a gondola almost to the top and ski down from there. The snow is very good, but the crowds and price keep this below neighboring Alpine Meadows in the rankings.

4. Heavenly - Located on the South Shore, Heavenly straddles California and Nevada. One of the biggest resorts in North America, Heavenly has become more about the nightlife and accomodations than the actual skiing. Still, one of the biggest and best in Tahoe with majestic views of the lake.

5. Northstar - Alpine and Kirkwood are local favorites. Squaw and Heavenly are tourist destinations with decent snow. Northstar is neither. It's not quite big enough to be a mega tourist place and isn't quite small enough to feel like a local place. Still, the snow is good and makes my top-5.

NFL Playoff Picks Revisited

Here were my picks at the beginning of the season. As you can see, I went 4 for 12 on the picks--not showing off, not falling behind.

NFC East

Original Pick - Eagles*, Cowboys, Redskins
Actual Results - Giants*, Eagles

I'll be the first to admit it, the Giants surprised me, but my analysis of the NFC East was spot on. Every team finished .500 or better. If any of these teams played in the NFC West, we might be talking about an undefeated season.

NFC North

Original Pick - Vikings*
Actual Results - Vikings*

+1 for Livengood.

NFC South

Original Pick - Saints*
Actual Results - Panthers*, Falcons

Anyone that picked the Falcons to go to the playoffs was either crazy or lying. I probably should have seen the Saints defense couldn't stop anyone.

NFC West

Original Pick - Seahawks*
Actual Results - Cardinals*

It wasn't exactly a tough pick, Seattle had dominated this division the past couple of years. It was more a vote against the other teams rather than a vote of confidence for Seattle. The NFC West didn't disappoint in showing just how bad four collective teams could be. Didn't think it was possible.

AFC East

Original Pick - Patriots*
Actual Results - Dolphins*

You could blame Brady's injury on the Patriots not making the playoffs, but they still finished 11-5. If they had Brady, that would have been good for 1-2 more wins, tops. In the AFC West I picked the Raiders to make the playoffs--horrendous pick, but there is always going to be a surprise team. This time it was the Dolphins, not the Raiders.

AFC North

Original Pick - Browns*
Actual Results - Steelers*, Ravens

The Browns pick was my worst call and I can barely sleep over it. I didn't originally pick the Steelers since they had a tough schedule, but they proved their naysayers wrong. But at what cost? Ben Roethlisberger probably suffered 18 concussions this season and doesn't even know how to spell his last name.

AFC South

Original Pick - Jaguars*, Colts
Actual Results - Titans*, Colts

I was partially right about the South since the Colts relinquished control of the division, I just didn't see the feisty Titans unseating the Colts.

AFC West

Original Pick - Chargers*, Raiders
Actual Results - Chargers*

This division rivals the NFC West for futility. The Chargers made me look good down the stretch, but it wasn't pretty finishing at 8-8. The Raiders, as I explained above, were picked because there are always a few surprise teams. This year it was Atlanta and Miami, just not Oakland.

Home Alone...Greatest Movie Ever?

Home Alone. Greatest Christmas movie ever or simply greatest movie ever? This movie has it all--action, comedy, and drama. I laughed, I cried, and I debated how realistic it was an eight year old bested two grown men trying to break into his house. For me, it can't get much better. Also, Macaulay Culkin's real life struggles only make the younger actor that much more adorable.

I leave it to my loyal readers. Is there a better Christmas movie? I say no.

0-16! 0-16! 0-16!

Somewhere, John McKay is popping a little bubbly.

Teixeira Signs With the Yankees

Reason # 8445345334 to hate the Yankees, and if live outside Los Angeles, Boston, Philly, New York, Chicago or St. Louis, reason # 23428934729347273 to hate baseball in general.

Viva La Revoltion!

The Revolution continues with this spirited effort by the San Francisco 49ers.

Feed Bag's Electronic Cousin

I couldn't help but think of the Feed Bag when I saw this.

Horse Statue Vandalized

The Pendulum is Swinging

If it works for Brad Pitt...

A Normal Subway Ride?

Week 16 Picks

Christmas comes early for the readers in the form of mailbag. As always, these are occasionally real questions with real answers. The Picks follow the Q and A session.

Q: Who would you rather punch in the face: Philip Rivers or Tony Romo?
-- D. Ross, Arlington, VA

Excellent question. As a Redskins fan, I'm required to say Romo, but if you held a gun to my head, I would say Rivers. Not only does he look and act like Greg Marmalard from Animal House, he just seems like a complete douchebag. I think a simple way to answer this would be: who would you rather hang out with? No question it's Romo, if only for the possibility of a Jessica Simpson appearance.

Q: I sent you a link to an item speculating about Mike
Holmgren coming to DC next season but you ignored it. So, do you think the Skins should give up on Zorn and go after Holmgren? Would Zorn accept a demotion and stay as offensive coordinator? Or would Holmgren make more sense as a team president type? Or should the Skins just take a deep breath and give Zorn more time.
-- Guy who destroyed you in Fantasy Football, Chevy Chase, MD

I've grown accustomed to Chainsaw Dan's hasty coaching changes, but I believe Zorn deserves to come back next season. Snyder ousted Marty Schottenheimer after an 8-8 season a few years ago, but he seems to have calmed down. Zorn hit a rough patch these last few games, but most of those loses were to quality teams (Pittsburgh, Dallas, Philly etc). Holmgren has been a head coach since 1992 and is on record saying he wanted to take at least a year to spend time with his wife. Even if Snyder threw a ton of cash towards the Walrus, his heart wouldn't be in the job. Additionally, Campbell would be learning another system, further hindering his progress. So Zorn stays.

Q: Two part question:

1. Who will be the Redskins head coach next year?

2. If fired, will Jim Zorn reunite with Steve Largent to remake Starksy and Hutch with a Christian twist?
-- C. Tom, New York, NY

1. Jim Zorn.

2. Without a doubt. Look at that picture.

Q: If an aspiring young high-school athlete wishes to play in the NFL, what are the chances of being selected to play in college and then in the NFL? What percentage of high school footballers play college football? What percentage of college football players play in the NFL?
-- H. Livengood, Washington, DC

1 in a 100? More like 1 in a million.

Q: Do you think Tom Brady's knee injury will effect his stunning good looks?
-- K. Carroll, New York, NY

Not unless the doctor took a scalpel to Brady's face and makes him look like Tom Cruise during the second half of Vanilla Sky.

Q: What is inside the football? Air?
-- M. Livengood, Baltimore, MD

Unless these quarterbacks are really strong and have been slinging 30 lb. leather rocks this entire time, I think it's air.

Give me a call some time. I have some interesting investments you should take a look at.
--B. Madoff, New York, NY

That's not really a question, but I think I won't be answering him any time soon.

Q: Two parter:

1. When and where will I get signed to be a kicker/TE?

2. Who has more STDs: TO orrrrrrrrrr Jeremy Shockey?
-- T. Senecal, Jacksonville, FL

1. I would hang up you dreams of becoming a TE. I don't think you can compete with Visanthe Shiancoe, either on the field or in the locker room. As for becoming a kicker, you couldn't be much worse than Shaun Suisham, so I would give it a shot. Maybe you should take a bat to Josh Scobee's right knee to get the Jax gig.

2. Shockey, and it's not even close.

Q: What excuse did Deion Sanders give for not paying his car mechanics bills?
-- H. Smith, Arlington, VA

Nobody messes with the Jesus.

Q: What are you wearing right now?
-- S. Duvall, Arlington, VA

Black denim jeans, red mock turtleneck, beige sport coat with elbow patches. And a monocle.

Q: How much is the Illinois senate seat worth to you?
-- R. Blagojevich, Springfield, IL

Whatever it cost to cut your hair. That's what I'm willing to spend.

Can I have a hug?
-- J. Zorn, Landover, MD

As Michael Scott would say, let's hug it out bitch.

Cyber?
-- R. Weller, New York, NY

Get you mind out of the gutter.

On to the picks...

Week 16 Picks

COWBOYS -4
Steelers -2
CHIEFS +3.5
PATS -7.5
Bengals +3
RAMS +5.5
GIANTS -3
LIONS +7
Eagles +5
VIKINGS -3
SEAHAWKS +4
Texans -7
BILLS +6.5
Chargers +3.5
BEARS -4

80's Movie Trailer of the Week -- Timecop, 1994

I know Timecop came out in the early 90's, but so what, it's my blog and I'll do what I want. I was sold when I saw Ron Silver in the credits.