Wolverine

Wolverine premiers in a few weeks, and the trailer makes it seem like a pretty standard popcorn movie. However, I wonder if movie execs are concerned about Hugh Jackman's image after the Oscar's. His performance on stage was hardly what you would expect from an intimidating half-man, half-wolf character. Because when I think of Wolverine, I certainly think of song and dance routine.

Washington Natinals

That's some first class stitching.

Take That, Hipsters

Pretty amusing stuff.

NFL Draft Picks

Here are my predictions for the Top-10 draft picks as well as for the Skins.

Instead of predicting what players will go to what teams, I'll just list them in the order I think they'll be drafted.

1. Matthew Stafford -- The ghost of Joey "Joe Joe" Harrington might scare Detroit with this pick, but when you go 0-16, and Daunte Culpepper is your QB, you probably need a little upgrade at the position.

2. Jason Smith -- Either Smith or Monroe go in this spot. Rumor has it the Rams like Smith a bit more.

3. Aaron Curry -- Easiest call in the first round. The Chiefs need defensive playmakers, and Curry fits the bill.

4. Eugene Monroe -- Tough call between Sanchez and Monroe. In the end, a stud offensive tackle wins out over a junior QB.

5. Michael Crabtree -- The Browns organization is in total disarray, so I fully expect Crabtree--the draft's top playmaker--to be the pick here.

6. B.J. Raji -- Best defensive tackle on the board. Bengals really need defensive help.

7. Brian Orakpo -- The Raiders are slotted to pick in this spot, so all rational thought goes out the window. A speedy WR is the trendy pick here, but I say if Crabtree is off the board, the Raiders grab Orakpo.

8. Mark Sanchez -- The Jaguars trade out of this slot if they can find a partner (Jets, Bucs, Vikings). Even if they can't trade down, I'll say Sanchez is off the board by #8.

9. Aaron Maybin -- This guy is too good for the Pack to pass up.

10. Andre Smith -- A superior talent with a less than superior body (NSFW).

13. Redskins, I will flip out if I don't hear a defensive or offensive lineman's name called by Roger Goodell. If Mark Sanchez is still available, and you pick him, I'll need a restraining order for Chainsaw.

Possible picks:

1. Michael Oher - OT
2. Andre Smith - OT
3. Robert Ayers - DE
4. Tyson Jackson - DE

Any of these stud SEC lineman would look great in Burgundy and Gold. I'll say Sanchez, Smith and possibly Oher will be off the board when the Redskins pick.

Hoping they fall: Smith and Oher
Expecting they'll be there: Ayers and Jackson
Praying they don't pick: Sanchez

Pick: Robert Ayers.

Meinspace

Following up the previous Bruno post, I would check out this site.

Chris Cooley Reality Show

Cooley has a new reality show.

F. Murray Abraham Named Wiz Coach

Congrats to F. Murray Abraham on becoming the next Wiz coach.

Green Jacket, Gold Jacket

The Masters begins today, and you know what that means. Here is your obligatory Happy Gilmore clip.

Steven Seagal Trailers

Need to waste 10 minutes? Sink your teeth into these amazing Steven Seagal trailers.

Featuring Steven Seagal in...

Above the Law. Seagal stars as as Nico Tuscani, a rogue Chicago cop who discovers a web of police corruption.

Hard to Kill. Seagal stars as Mason Storm, a cop out for revenge.

Marked for Death. Seagal stars as John Hatcher, a good cop...in a bad mood. This time, he's bringing out the big guns.

Out For Justice. Seagal stars as Gino Felino, a Brooklyn cop on the hunt for an old childhood rival who killed his best friend. In that neighborhood, someone needs to take out the garbage.

Under Siege. Seagal stars as Casey Ryback, a cook on a hijacked Navy ship who prevents Nuclear armageddon.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory. Seagal returns as Casey Ryback, this time on a train instead of a boat. Ryback attempts to foil a mad scientist out to hijack a satellite weapon.

Under Siege was probably the greatest Seagal flick, and certainly his most successful. Co-starring Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey and Eddie Bo Smith, Jr. (Copeland from The Fugitive), why wouldn't it be?

Lions Take Matthew Stafford

Not sure if this is legit or not. Either way, the Rams are on the clock.

Joba Chamberlain "Blasts" New York

I saw the headline, watched the video and wished I had those two minutes back in my life. Joba was stopped for a DUI, and proceeded to have a conversation with the officer about New York. Basically, he just says New Yorkers are rude and won't hold the door for him or say "Thank You." I would hardly call that "blasting" New York, but people will do anything to sell newspapers I suppose.

The Soldier Signs Record Deal

Because if the KC Chiefs proved anything, you can't win without a marquee TE. Disappointed Cooley didn't get the distinction of being highest paid TE in history.

Baseball Predictions

Baseball season is upon us and you know what that means...only five more months until football season! And here are my baseball predictions for the upcoming season.

AL East
Winner: Boston Red Sawx
Wild Card: Tampa Bay Rays

AL Central
Winner: Minnesota Twins

AL West
Winner: Anaheim of California of Los Angeles Angels.

NL East
Winner: Philadelphia Phillies
Wild Card: NY Mets

NL Cental
Winner: Chicago Cubs

NL West
Winner: Arizona D-Backs.

World Series: Mets over Rays

AL MVP - Grady Sizemore
AL Cy Young - Roy Halladay
AL ROY - Matt Wieters

NL MVP - Albert Pujols
NL CY Young - Johan Santana
NL ROY - Cameron Maybin

A few other predictions:

1. The Washington Nationals shatter the record for fewest number of wins in a season, a mark previously set by the 1899 Cleveland Spiders (20-134).

2. CC Sabathia channels his inner Babe Ruth and eats hot dogs during Yankees games, much to the delight of the crowd.

3. Yankees fans riot when they are forced to pay $20 for a beer/hot dog combo.

4. The Orioles are in year-12 of "rebuilding" mode.

Bruno Preview

Bruno preview. Looks about right.

The Count of Monte Foxboro & Chainsaw Dan

When the Kansas City Chiefs' Bernard Pollard obliterated Tom Brady's knee in the first game of the season, it set off a series of events so improbable and so outrageous, the only explanation is the staggering genius of Bill Belichick. It's entirely possible we're dealing with one of the most brilliant, diabolical minds of our generation.

(cue Zapruder film)

1. Pollard tackles Brady, tearing Brady's ACL and ruining his season. All is lost for the Patriots hopeful.

2. Untested backup Matt Cassel leads the Patriots to a very respectable 11-5 record, becoming one of the few teams in NFL history not to make the playoffs with 11 wins.

3. Josh McDaniel, the young offensive coordinator, gets credit for guiding Cassel and the Patriots through difficult times. McDaniel is hired by the Denver Broncos, after Coach Mike Shanahan is abruptly dismissed.

4. Brady's rehab is going well, prompting the Patriots to deal Matt Cassel.

5. McDaniel, already possessing a young, Pro Bowl QB in Jay Cutler makes it known he is interested in replacing Cutler with Cassel.

6. Cassel is traded to the Chiefs, not the Broncos. Cassel immediately buys Bernard Pollard a 216-oz Porterhouse and volunteers to do his laundry for a year.

7. Cutler hems and haws about getting traded. Finally, the Chicago Bears offer Kyle Neckbeard Orton, two #1 picks, and one third rounder pick for Cutler.

8. In the bidding process, Chainsaw Dan predictably gets in on the action, offering every Redskins player on the roster for Jay Cutler as well as every Skins draft pick for the next seven years. Speaking of Redskins draft picks, here is a list of their first round picks. Danny Boy, are you listening? We've tried your way and seen the results. Why don't we hold on to the picks.

9. In the end, the Pats get Brady, the Bears get Cutler, the Chiefs get Cassel, the Broncos get Orton, and the Redskins get...Campbell.

Is it just remotely possible Belichick orchestrated this entire event? Brady, the grassy knoll, the extra draftpicks, Pollard, Cayman Islands bank accounts, Cutler, the second shooter.

It's impossible? Or is it so possible your head is spinning like a top?

I'm thoroughly convinced Belichick could beat Big Blue in a chess match. He sees every angle, every possibility, 25 steps ahead. As for Chainsaw Dan, he might be able to take down a blind chimpanzee in a vigorous game of checkers.

I Can't Believe Bruce Dickinson Digs Our Sound!

Today, I tried to get tickets to the Daily Show and the Colbert Show. Not surprisingly, both shows were sold out until some time during the next millennium. I then tried to get Conan tickets before I realized he relocated to LA. That left me with Saturday Night Live. I didn't even try to get SNL tickets, since I heard those tickets are impossible to get unless you are a living relative of a cast member or directly related to Loren Michaels.

Reluctantly, I turned to Jimmy Fallon. Let's just say I was able to procure tickets to a show in early May. I don't think the demand is quite there yet for Fallon. My main problem with Fallon is that he is a chronic over-laugher. All of his SNL skits seemed funny because he would break character and start cracking up, thus leading other cast members to laugh, and finally causing the audience to laugh since it's funny to see cast members laughing at their own jokes. This is all well and good in sketch comedy, but hosting a comedy show? Then again, I haven't actually seen a single episode of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, so I really have zero expectations going into the night. One can only hope there's an appearance by Bruce Dickinson -- yes, the Bruce Dickinson.

Savior?

6'3", 230 lb Burgundy and Gold Jesus? I wouldn't put anything past Chainsaw Dan. I'm fully expecting to read the Skins offered every #1 pick through 2020 for Cutler's services.

Lime Green is the New Black

I'm going to venture a guess and say football fans in the Pacific Northwest won't be happy to see their favorite team trot out of the Qwest field tunnel in these uniforms. Also, I'm going out on a limb and saying Uni Watch will rip the lime green color scheme to shreds. Lime green is not a slimming color on Walter Jones.

How to get kicked off the Scottish national team

If they kicked you off the Scottish national team for drinking, then I have full a confidence these young men drank enough to kill a small animal.

April Fools' Day

Call me a grinch, but I've never been a fan of April Fools' Day. The "jokes" are never that clever, the "pranks" never that amusing. I've appreciated Google's efforts over the years--In '07 you could get Gmail Paper; in '08 you could establish permanent contact on Mars. I went to Google this morning fully expecting something, and sure enough, they delivered.

The problem with April Fools' Day is that everyone is looking for the joke and is skeptical of the possible stories. Everyone is on their heels waiting for the other shoe to drop. That said, the Guardian got me. It got me good. The Economist also had a sense of humor, you know...if you enjoy economic jokes. I imagine the Economist as a pompous, stuffy British guy (who mildly resembles the Monopoly Man) who isn't funny at all just over laughing at his one joke while the rest of the other magazines shake their collective heads in disgust.

That's not to say I hate all April Fools' Day pranks. The greatest of all time (not to sound like a Bill Walton exaggeration) is probably YouTube's inspired "Rick Rolling" campaign. Last year, every time you tried to access a video you were automatically sent to Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Pure golllldddddddd.