When the Kansas City Chiefs' Bernard Pollard obliterated Tom Brady's knee in the first game of the season, it set off a series of events so improbable and so outrageous, the only explanation is the staggering genius of Bill Belichick. It's entirely possible we're dealing with one of the most brilliant, diabolical minds of our generation.
(cue Zapruder film)
1. Pollard tackles Brady, tearing Brady's ACL and ruining his season. All is lost for the Patriots hopeful.
2. Untested backup Matt Cassel leads the Patriots to a very respectable 11-5 record, becoming one of the few teams in NFL history not to make the playoffs with 11 wins.
3. Josh McDaniel, the young offensive coordinator, gets credit for guiding Cassel and the Patriots through difficult times. McDaniel is hired by the Denver Broncos, after Coach Mike Shanahan is abruptly dismissed.
4. Brady's rehab is going well, prompting the Patriots to deal Matt Cassel.
5. McDaniel, already possessing a young, Pro Bowl QB in Jay Cutler makes it known he is interested in replacing Cutler with Cassel.
6. Cassel is traded to the Chiefs, not the Broncos. Cassel immediately buys Bernard Pollard a 216-oz Porterhouse and volunteers to do his laundry for a year.
7. Cutler hems and haws about getting traded. Finally, the Chicago Bears offer Kyle Neckbeard Orton, two #1 picks, and one third rounder pick for Cutler.
8. In the bidding process, Chainsaw Dan predictably gets in on the action, offering every Redskins player on the roster for Jay Cutler as well as every Skins draft pick for the next seven years. Speaking of Redskins draft picks, here is a list of their first round picks. Danny Boy, are you listening? We've tried your way and seen the results. Why don't we hold on to the picks.
9. In the end, the Pats get Brady, the Bears get Cutler, the Chiefs get Cassel, the Broncos get Orton, and the Redskins get...Campbell.
Is it just remotely possible Belichick orchestrated this entire event? Brady, the grassy knoll, the extra draftpicks, Pollard, Cayman Islands bank accounts, Cutler, the second shooter.
It's impossible? Or is it so possible your head is spinning like a top?
I'm thoroughly convinced Belichick could beat Big Blue in a chess match. He sees every angle, every possibility, 25 steps ahead. As for Chainsaw Dan, he might be able to take down a blind chimpanzee in a vigorous game of checkers.
No comments:
Post a Comment